Despair
by SLynn
Summary: The sequel to The Game. Just when you think it's over, it's really only just begun. Finally -- it's *COMPLETE!*
1. Alone

**Despair by SLynn**

**Disclaimer:  **I own nothing but my own thoughts; everything else is borrowed from ME, Joss Whedon and the writers.  Well, I guess I own Constance, but I'm not certain I want her.

**Rating:**  PG-13

**Thanks:**  Thanks so much for all of the great reviews.  You guys got me really ready to move on this one, so hopefully it won't disappoint.  

**Setting:**  Alternate Season 5.  Riley – out of there; Dawn – not a key;  Joyce – alive and kicking;  no Glory.  Takes place immediately after "The Game".  It'll make more sense if you've read that one first.  

**Notes:**  This is actually the story I first set out to right, but realized I'd need a whole lot of back filler, so "The Game" was born.  As I got more involved in writing the first one, the second one became harder and harder to write.  This is my fourth start, but I think I've gotten it straight now.  Hope you enjoy it!  

****

**Chapter 1:  Alone**

It was the longest car ride of her life.  Buffy knew that the distance between the high school and the Magic Shop couldn't have been more then ten miles, but it felt like a million.  They had sat in complete silence the entire trip.  When they finally arrived they just kept sitting, not moving or talking, neither willing to make the first gesture.  Buffy couldn't take it anymore.

"We should go inside," she said, surprised at how quiet her own voice had become, "it's almost sunrise and everyone will be really worried."

Nothing.

"Everyone is going to be real excited to see you."

He hadn't even blinked.

"We can do the whole question and answer thing with Giles later…"

"I don't want to."

He had spoken so quickly that Buffy wasn't really sure what he'd said.

"Xander?"

"I don't want to go inside.  I don't want to see anyone.  Not now."

"Are you sure?" she asked, knowing that he was.  She couldn't blame him.  She didn't really want to go inside herself, but couldn't help feeling what was owed to everyone else.

When he still hadn't answered a few minutes later, Buffy took that for a yes and made her way out of the car.  Before she got far she came back to the passenger's door and knocked once or twice to try and get his attention.  Before he could respond, or more likely before he could "not" respond, Buffy raised her voice a bit to be heard through the glass and told him she'd be right back.  He still hadn't moved.

Taking a deep breath, Buffy stepped inside the Magic Shop.  It was quiet and dark, with only the lamps in the back and at the counter lit.  Giles, having heard the faint ringing of the bell, had literally hopped up from his seat behind the counter and hurried to her.

Judging from the look on his face, Buffy figured she must look pretty bad.  Zothos had fixed the broken parts but hadn't really done anything for the bruising.

"Are you alright?  Where's Xander?  What happened?"

"Slow down," Buffy said, barely above a whisper, "Where is everyone?"

"Sleeping mostly, or trying too," he answered, lowering his voice as well, then raising his eyes expectantly towards her.

"I'm fine and so is Xander, he's waiting in the car so I can't stay long."

"Why is he outside?  Buffy, are you sure you're both fine?"

"Yes we're fine," she said a bit harsher then she meant too.  She couldn't help it, her mind was reeling, "Xander just doesn't want anyone to see how he looks right now."

"How bad…" Giles began to ask, concern written clearly on his face.

"It's bad," was all she said cutting him off and turning her head away.

"But he'll be alright?"

"Yeah I'll tell you about it later, I really should be getting him home."

"You're taking him back to his place?" he asked doubtfully knowing Xander's parents.

Buffy paused.  She hadn't thought about it really until now.

"No, I guess not.  I'll take him to my house.  Mom won't mind, I can sleep downstairs for the ni.." she stopped before finishing 'night', realizing it was now over.  The deadline was up.

Giles felt it too.  The last twenty-four hours had been excruciating.

"Go then," Giles said, sounding a bit more like himself, "I'll let the others know and perhaps we'll all get together this afternoon."

Buffy just nodded and headed for the door.

"Buffy?"

She turned once more and looked over at him, but he didn't really seem to have anything left to say.  Giles just smiled a bit and nodded his head and then they both turned their separate ways.

****

Joyce Summers had gotten use to a lot of things since discovering her oldest daughter was the slayer.  First of all, slayers kept odd hours.  She'd never really approved of that, but I guess when your daughter has a destiny, destiny can't be kept waiting.  This morning though, she was surprised.

She walked over to Buffy and quiet as possible sat down beside her.  She choked down tears as she looked over the deep purple bruise forming on her daughters jaw line.  Odd hours were one thing, huge hideous bruises were another.  No one ever gets use to seeing their child hurt, even if that child had super-human powers of recovery.  Knowing the risks, just having Buffy home again made her exhale in relief.  Whatever it was, Buffy must have beaten it, Joyce would delve no further then that.

"Hey Mom, do you know…" Dawn called bounding down the stairs.

"Shhh.  Your sister is still sleeping."

"Yeah but…"

"No buts just go into the kitchen and I'll make us some breakfast."

"Okay," Dawn said as she let her Mom push her towards the door, "but Xander's sleeping in Buffy's bed and I just thought you'd want to know what kind of immoral things are happening under your roof."

"Dawn," Joyce said in her most serious tone pointing to the kitchen.

"I'm going, I'm going."

Before following her, Joyce looked once more at her daughter and then gave a harder more skeptical look up the stairs towards her room.  Shaking her head, she followed her youngest.

****

Buffy had wakened in time to join them just after they had finished.

"Good morning," Dawn chirped and then immediately changed her tune when she got a better look at her, "what happened to you?"

"Let's not talk about it." Buffy grumbled as she grabbed a bowl and a box of cereal.

The three of them were quiet for a moment.

"Why is Xander in your room?" Joyce finally had to ask.

 Buffy wanted to say, 'because he looks worse then I do,' but decided against it.  Before she could say anything, the phone rang.

"I got it," Dawn said, jumping up and across the room.

"It's a long story Mom, and if you don't mind I'm sure I'll be telling it a lot, so I'd rather not right now."

Joyce wasn't really happy with that answer, but accepted it.

"Buffy it's Giles," Dawn said holding her hand over the mouth piece, "and I think Anya, but I couldn't really tell because she's yelling.  A lot."

"Great," Buffy mumbled and took the phone, "Giles?"

"Buffy, sorry to call so early but…"

"Ask her why she didn't wake us up?" Buffy heard Anya shout in the background.

"Anya, will you please just let me talk."

"Buffy," he began again, "I am sorry to disturb you, but it seems everyone has gotten a bit impatient waiting to hear from you."

Buffy checked the clock.  9:30am. She felt better, but doubted Xander was up for company.

"Xander isn't up yet.  I was just getting ready to go and check on him."

Buffy turned around to escape Joyce's watchful eye which she could sense was aimed right at her.

"Good then, um, well, you may have company."

"They've left already haven't they?"

"Yes."

"Well, you might as well come over too.  Let's get this over with" Buffy sighed, not quite sure if she was really ready herself.

"Alright then, see you shortly."

Buffy hung up the phone and turned back around.

"I'm going to go check on Xander.  If they get her before I get back, just keep them down stairs."

"Alright," Joyce said as she watched her head out the door.  She had been surprised at tone of Buffy's voice.  She knew her daughter was loyal to her friends, she just hadn't imagined she was also so protective.

****

Xander heard the footsteps approaching.  She was coming for him.  His hands beginning to tremble so he clenched them tightly until his knuckles shone white, trying to stop the shaking.  The door was creaking slowly open behind him.  He was lying on his side, facing the opposite direction, but he could tell she was there.  She was getting closer and closer.  His heart was racing.

'It's daylight now.  She said she'd kill me when the sun came up.  Maybe it will be quick,' he thought.

"Xander?"

It all ended when she spoke.  Buffy.  It was Buffy, not Constance.  He was at Buffy's house, not the high school.  She'd saved him.  She'd made it in time.

"Are you awake?"

Xander just lay there, not moving.  He wasn't ready for this.  Buffy would want to talk about it and he wasn't ready yet.  He wasn't sure he'd ever be ready.

He felt her lean across him and pull the blankets up over his shoulder and then she just walked away and shut the door behind her.

Xander still hadn't moved.  He knew Buffy was only trying to help, but he didn't want help.  He only wanted to be alone, but it seemed he couldn't really have that anymore.


	2. Good Intentions

**Despair by SLynn**

**Chapter 2:  Good Intentions**

 ***ONE WEEK LATER***

Buffy had just finished another night of slaying.  It had been slow, only one vamp.  It was unheard of for a hellmouth to be this quiet and too bad really because she was in the mood to fight.  She had been mentally berating herself ever since the incident with Xander.  Not so much the incident itself, but the aftermath.

She had meant to tell the truth.  Tell Giles and the gang everything; after all she owed it to them.  They'd helped so much, fought as hard as she had, and deserved real answers.  And they suffered too.  But something happened.  She was going to tell them all about how Xander had traded his soul for her life.  That he'd died for her and only asked for Constance not to hurt Buffy.  He just wanted Constance to leave her alone, and that proved too much of a challenge for the she-devil.  Ultimately Constance had done herself in with her own sadistic tricks.  

She going to say all of that, but she hadn't.

Instead she told them watered down version.  The easy version.  Constance had killed Xander and broke the rules.  Zothos was freed and fixed them.  Simple, neat and a complete lie.  But it was to late now and after all, it was the right thing to do.

A week later and Buffy was still trying to convince herself she'd been right.  Her intentions had been good.  She reasoned that it was almost the same, her version versus the original.  Plus this way no one had to be hurt any more then necessary.

Part of her also felt it was her responsibility to fix whatever had gone wrong.  The warning from Zothos to "be watchful" still rang in her head.  Buffy was the reason that this had happen; she'd be the one to fix it.  

But she was beginning to have doubts.  Xander wasn't getting better; in fact, she thought he might be getting worse.  He seemed distant.  It felt like part of him was just gone.

She spoken with Giles about it, in as vague of terms as she could, and he said it was natural.  Xander had been through a huge ordeal and it was expected for him to experience some type of post-traumatic stress.  He'd said to give him some space and just let him know we were all there for him.  So they had.  She had.  And still nothing.  

She couldn't do anything more now except hope Giles was right.  That and keep watching.

****

The next night the whole gang, excepting Xander and Anya, sat in Giles' living room discussing the news of the week.  Although invited, no one had expected them to be there. Xander hadn't left his house in three days and Anya was practically glued to his hip.  Spike was making a rare appearance, but didn't really have anything to add.  None of them did.  The topic of the night wasn't some new super-evil or planned Armageddon.  Instead they were focused on the lack of evil activity that had swept through Sunnydale.

"Maybe we should just thank the goddess we're getting a break," Willow said, trying to sound optimistic, "a slack in evil doesn't necessarily mean some big bad is working the evil mojo.  Does it?"

"Your right," Giles added, "we may just be experiencing a normal lull."

"Seven vampires in a week," Buffy said, clearly not buying it, "only seven.  Seven in one night is well below average for Sunnydale.  There's something going on."

"You know," Spike chimed in, "you're all worrying about the wrong thing.  You should stop worrying about what may be coming and start worrying about what's already here.  With what's already happened."

They all just looked at him blankly.  Normally Spike only showed up if he thought there was something in it for him.  He never really stopped to just help them, let alone warn them.  But that sounded like exactly what he was doing.  Warning them. 

"What are you talking about?"

It was the question they all wanted to ask only Tara had beaten them to it.

"You know.  You're the only one that seems too in fact."

No one said anything and Willow gave Tara a sideways glance.

"The boy's not right."

"Xander's is to right," Willow spat out, standing and beginning to pace a bit, "he's just recovering."

"Oh yeah, he's right as rain," Spike said, nearly laughing.

"Spike, you don't know what your talking about," Buffy said, her voice hard.  She wasn't going to hear this.  Not from Spike.

"I don't do I?"

"Admittedly, Xander's been a bit detached…" Giles started.

"Detached!" Spike said, this time he was laughing, "he's starting to make Dru look sane."

"That's enough Spike," Buffy said, cutting him off, "we don't need you here."

"Fine," he said, throwing up his hands in mock defeat as he stood to leave, "but I'm not alone on this, right Tara?"

Willow, Buffy and Giles all turned stared at her in disbelief.

"Um," was all she said.

"You don't think that, do you?" Willow asked, sounding hurt.

"Well, he… he… he doesn't really…"

"It's only been a week."

"I know Willow, but…"

"Okay, okay, let's not do this now, not here," Giles interjected, "perhaps we haven't been pushing Xander enough to talk about this..."

"Still, he's not insane," Willow added, cutting him off mid-sentence.

"No," Giles answered, "but we do need to help him more."

Spike hovered by the door a moment longer and then left.  Buffy, determined to get answers, followed him.

"Wait," she called out, "what did you really mean back there?"

"Nothing," he said, shaking his head in exasperation.  
  


"Seriously Spike, we need to know if Xander's really in trouble here.  If you know something…"

"I don't know anything for certain, love.  It's just that if you say this Constance woman, whatever she was, was as strong as that, maybe she's not completely gone."

Buffy felt cold.  Zothos had said something similar.

"…death is but a door…"

"What?" Spike asked.

"Nothing," Buffy said quickly moving on, "How would her still being here account for a lack of everything else evil."

"You can't feel it?" he asked, stepping a little closer, "It's in the air."

Buffy looked at him skeptically.

"I don't know what you…"

"Fear."

Buffy was silenced.

"Whatever's here, it's getting stronger.  And the things that normally go bump in the night are scared Buffy.  Scared enough to leave town."

Buffy felt herself growing colder.

"But you're probably right," Spike said, changing his tone completely as only he can, "probably has nothing to do with your boy."

After that, Spike was gone, and Buffy couldn't help feeling he hadn't left soon enough.

****

Xander lay awake in his bed, completely ignoring the soft snore of Anya beside him.  Why was she here anyway?  He'd tried several times to give her the hint that he hadn't really wanted her around, but in true Anya fashion she was completely oblivious to anything she didn't care to see.

'Pity keeps here her.'

No, he didn't want to believe that.  He knew Anya loved him, at least she use to.

'Before all of this.  Before you were wrecked.'

No, still.  Anya still loved him.  He should be nicer to her.  Nicer to all of his friends, but it was hard.  Hard to look at them, knowing they couldn't possible see him as anything other then…

'…a shell.  An empty, used-up shell.'

He hadn't been strong enough to fight Constance.  She'd beaten, humiliated, and destroyed him.  All of his friends knew it too.  He could see it in their faces.  They thought he was weak.

'They've always thought that.'

True.

Xander got up and went into his bathroom.  He washed his face and just sat there for a minute, looking down into the sink.  

This week.  This week had been the longest of his life.  Every day, every hour felt like eons.  He hadn't slept and couldn't eat.  He'd lost both of his jobs.  And his friends thought he was losing his mind.

'Maybe you are.'

Xander looked up into the mirror knowing what he'd see.  Who he'd see.

Constance.

'Then again, maybe it's not yours to lose anymore.'

Smiling.  She was always smiling.  He hated that before, but lately it was almost reassuring.

'I always win Xander.'

Xander shook his head turned to leave.  He knew the routine well and he was too tired to fight it.  He just wanted a moment, one moment of peace.  But she was always there, with him, inside his head.  He'd tried to fight it, tried to fight her, but it was hopeless.  She always wins.

'Always.'  


	3. What We Want to See

**Despair by SLynn**

**Chapter 3:  What We Want to See**

Not three days after the infamous meeting at Giles' house and it seemed that now all that worry had been for nothing.  Xander had found his way back on his own.  He was out more, participating with the gang again, and he even started talking about finding a new job.

Buffy glanced up at Xander, seated directly across from her in the "research" section of the Magic Shop.

The bruises had faded, at least the ones on his face had.  She couldn't tell about the rest of him and there was no way she was asking Anya that.  He no longer had dark circles under his eyes, so he was obviously sleeping well.  And Xander was attempting to put back on the weight he'd lost.  He looked normal.

Buffy was more then relieved.  She was ecstatic.

"What?"

"Sorry," Buffy said, shaking her head and smiling.  She hadn't realized she was still staring at him, "it's just good to have you around again."

"Well, I like being around."

They both just smiled and went back to researching.  Giles had them looking into the "lack" of activity that seemed to surround them.  Willow and Tara had skipped out to catch a movie and Anya, much to their surprise, had decided to stay home for the night.  Only Giles sat with them thoroughly engrossed in the file before him.  

It had been almost two weeks since the evil things in Sunnydale decided to take a vacation.  The last two nights had been especially slow.  The only thing Buffy had managed to slay was a stray cockroach she'd found in the storage room.

So far, they found nothing.  Giles was looking into the "Constance" file on Spike's account.  He didn't really think his theory held water, but better safe then sorry.  Just when he thought it was useless, he found what he was looking for.

"Here's something," Giles said, "it seems Spike was right about Constance returning, hanging on as you put it Buffy."

Buffy felt her stomach twist into a knot.

"But, since it would have required her actually acquiring Xander's or your soul, it doesn't really apply."

"How would that work?" Buffy asked, a look of concern briefly passing over her face.

Giles looked at her for a moment, questioningly.

"Humor me."

Giles, always happiest when explaining things, took off his glasses as he began.  He hadn't caught the look on her face, the one that said she wanted to know for more reasons then just broadening her knowledge base, but Xander had.

"Well, it seems that even if she had been cast out, the mere act of taking the soul would have left a sort of imprint, or better yet a gateway back in once the soul was returned to it's rightful place."

"So, she would have had like an all access pass into my head?" Xander asked skeptically.

"Yes," Giles said, nodded his head for emphasis.

Buffy just sat there looking not knowing what to think.

"You're very fortunate that didn't happen.  She was very powerful, there's no telling what she could have done." Giles said as he stood, patting Xander's shoulder for good measure.  "Excuse me for a moment; I need to lock the store up now."

"You didn't tell them," Xander said, as soon as Giles was out of hearing.

"No," Buffy said shaking her head, "I didn't think there was any reason too."

"But I'm alright," Xander said, glancing once behind him, and then leaning in towards here, "Constance is gone.  I'll admit, it took me some time to realize it, but she is gone."

"You're really okay?"  
  


"Yes," he said firmly, "I mean as okay as I get."

Buffy laughed a bit.

"Do you think…" Xander started, and then stopped abruptly.

  
"Do I think what?"

"Maybe we should just tell Giles?"

Buffy thought about it for a moment.  That might be the right thing to do.  Xander was alright now but what if Constance was just biding her time.  Waiting for them to feel secure before striking.  Then again maybe she really was gone.  Xander would tell them if something was wrong with him.  If they told Giles now that would just mean a lot of yelling and unpleasantness and needless worry.

"No," Buffy decided, "there's no point now.  Giles would just go all Giles on us and no one wants that."

Xander just nodded his head in agreement.

"Besides, you'd tell me if you thought she was trying, right?  If Constance was in your head."

"Yeah, of course I would," Xander said, and then laughingly, "besides I think that's something you might notice on your own."

Buffy nodded her head and started reading again.

"No, we don't tell," she said once more to cement it in her head.

"You're the boss."

****

"I'm just asking you to consider it Willow," Tara practically pleaded.

Everything had gone well on their date until the end.  Tara had wanted to talk about Xander and Willow just didn't.  They'd had the same fight for three nights now and Tara wasn't giving up.

"I just can't," Willow replied with equal passion, "I've known Xander forever.  I'd know if something as serious as that was wrong."

"Maybe you would have before…"  
  


"Before what?" Willow asked indignant.

"I'm just trying to say that if, only if, Constance had wanted to come back, Xander would be the easiest target.  She really messed him up sweetie.  I hate to say that, but it's true.  Maybe you're only seeing him as okay because it's what you want to see."

"So what should we do, lock him in a cage?"

"No, of course not.  I just think we should look into it more.  Watch him.  Really watch him."

"I guess that's not such a bad idea," Willow said, a bit deflated, "but I'm only doing this to prove to you that nothings wrong."

"That's fine."

"What do you have in mind?"

****

Xander climbed down the steps to his basement apartment.  He'd gotten new locks, several in fact, since the whole incident.  Letting himself in he quickly found the lights and looked across the room.

"You're still here.  I thought you might have left by now," he said to Anya, seated directly across the room from him.  "I'm glad; I need someone to talk too."

Xander took off his coat and casually laid it on the bed.  

"You wouldn't believe what Giles found today.  Really interesting stuff."

Anya just stared at him.

"But it's not really important.  Not now anyway.  And, it's not what I want to talk to you about."

Xander took a seat on the bed so he could look right into her eyes.

"You see," he said as a smile spread across his face, "I'm just dying to tell you all about my newest game."

Anya, tied to the chair with a gag firmly in place, could only watch and listen.  Terrified.

'Xander, what's happened to you?'  

Xander laughed.  Anya, in shock, leaned back as far as she could.  It's as if he'd heard her.

"Oh honey," he smiled.  His voice took on the tone of an adult explaining something to a child.  "Xander doesn't live here anymore."


	4. The Fool

**Despair by SLynn**

**Chapter 4:  The Fool**

Willow, Giles, Xander and Buffy all sat around the table in the back of the Magic Shop.  It was Giles turn, but he was taking forever.

"Give me those," Xander snapped, suddenly snatching the cards out of the man's hands.

Willow eyes followed all of the action, but she remained quiet.

Buffy frowned.

"That was rude."

Xander just smiled.

"I haven't been myself lately."

Slowly, he dealt out the cards, one to each of them.

"I've seen this before," Buffy said as she picked up hers.  The red and black lace pattern on the back seemed alive.

"I know," Xander said shaking his head slowly, "but they're all we have to play with."

"Is it my turn?" Willow asked, turning towards her.

"No," Xander answered, "it's still Buffy's."

Buffy didn't know what to do.  She couldn't remember what game they were playing and her card didn't make any sense.  Instead of a number, it had picture.

"I don't know what to do."

Xander leaned across the table and took her card from her.

"Of course you don't," he said as he looked it over, "you've got mine."

He laid her card face up in the middle of the table for them all to see.

"Ah yes," Giles said, "we're still on that then.  I thought it was over."

"Buffy," Willow said, getting impatient, "where's your card?"

Buffy looked down at the table at the card Xander had taken from her.  It was death.

"I don't have a card."

"Sure you do," Xander said still smiling.

Holding the deck in one hand, he took the top card off of it with the other and placed it over his.

"You're the fool."

Buffy was jolted awake.  

She tried to shake the feelings left over from the dream she'd just had, but couldn't quite do it.  

She'd had bad dreams about the incident before, but none like this.  Most of those had been her relieving that day, especially those last moments of it.  This one didn't seem to have anything to do with it directly, but Buffy knew better.  It was a warning.

Getting up she quickly got dressed.  She had to talk to Giles, to at least tell him about the dream.

  
She stopped for a moment to calm herself.

'It's probably nothing.  It's probably just residual feelings from what Giles had said yesterday,' she thought, 'but what if it wasn't.'

Collecting herself, she had decided.  She'd tell Giles everything; let him make the call on what to do next.  He was going to be mad, really mad, but she'd have to just deal with it.

Running down the steps she said a quick goodbye to her mom and was on her way.

****

Willow and Tara were opening the Magic Shop as a favor to Giles.  Anya was apparently to sick to get out of bed.  All the stress and worry about Xander had finally caught up with her.

Willow couldn't keep the smile off her face, wondering how the ex-demon was liking her first real sickness in over a thousand years.

They actually were glad to be there that morning, they needed the supplies.  Tara was in the back room mixing up the potion at that moment.

They had decided to do a spell.  A simple one really, almost like a locator spell, but specifically designed to locate illness in the body.  They were of course altering it to fit their specific needs.

The plan was to "spill it" on Xander and see what they could.  If he was normal nothing should happen, it'd be just like water.  If not, well that didn't matter.  Willow was certain he was fine.  She was just doing it so that Tara could see that too.

"Okay, it's done," Tara said, placing the potion gently onto the counter.

"Well, now all we have to do is wait for Xander…"

She was cut off by the ringing of the shop bell.

"That didn't take long," Tara whispered as Xander walked over to them.

"Hey," he said, smiling, "what's going on?  Where's Giles?"

"Nothing, we're just opening as a favor for him.  He should be here in about an hour or so,"  Willow answered.

"How's Anya doing?" Tara asked.

"Better," he said, looking around.

"Oh, hey Xand," Willow began, "could you do us a favor?  We need that book up there and we're both to short to get it.  Do you mind?"  
  


"No problem, glad to help" he said, heading behind the counter and stepping between them.

As soon as he had his back turned, Willow motioned for Tara to spill it on him.

For authenticity Tara let out a slight exclaim as she tossed the mixture onto his back.  Her next one was real.

Xander wheeled on her, faster then she could remember seeing anyone move, and grabbed her by the arms.

"So, the witches are on to me."

She was stunned.  His features seemed to change; they shifted before her eyes for a few seconds, and then reverted back.

"Xander" Willow yelled, reaching up and taking hold of his shoulder, "what are you doing?"

"It's not Xander," Tara stuttered.

"No, it's not," he laughed.  He flung Tara to the floor knocking her unconscious and then turned on Willow.

"I should have known you and your witch girlfriend would try something like this."

Willow began to back up slowly as he stepped toward her.

'This can't be happening,' she thought over and over, 'I would have known.'

"Oh, it _is_ happening.  And I'd like to personally thank you for not believing it for so long.  You've given me just enough time to regain my strength.  I'd say that I owed you one, but I don't believe in repaying favors.  Especially to witches."

Willow, now backed into a corner, had no choice.

"I'm sorry," she said to what use to be her best friend as she raised her hands to cast a spell, "I don't want to hurt you Xander."

He laughed.  It was a cold heartless sound.  Willow knew then that there wasn't any part of Xander left.  She had no choice.

She let loose her magic.

****

Buffy made it over to Giles apartment in record time.  He was some what surprised to see her so early in the morning, but after she related her dream to him, he was glad she came.

"Buffy, it could just be that you took my findings yesterday a bit too seriously.  Constance never acquired a soul, so there's really nothing to worry about."

"Well…"

"Please tell me she never acquired a soul Buffy."

"I'm sorry," Buffy said turning away, "I only didn't tell you because at first I didn't think it was that important."

"Buffy, we're talking about souls here, Xander's soul.  That is _very_ important."

"I know."

"What happened, tell me everything."

"Okay," she said, taking in a breath, "when I got to the high school, I thought I was too late.  He was, he was really bad off.  When Constance showed up, we fought and she was so much stronger then me.  I couldn't even get close enough to touch her."

Giles just nodded his head and indicated for her to continue.

"She must have knocked me out for a moment, because when I came too, she was sort of holding Xander by the head.  There was this light.  It was so bright, blinding.  And then, he was…"

Buffy trailed off, not sure she could finish.

"What happened after that?"

"I attacked her.  Constance was just laughing.  She blocked everything I threw at her without breaking a sweat.  She said that she couldn't hurt me now, it was part of the deal she'd made with Xander, but that she could come after the rest of you."

Giles sat quietly for a minute.  He was beginning to understand why Buffy hadn't told in the first place.

"So how did Zothos get free then?"

"Because…" Buffy started and then stopped.  This was the part she dreaded.  Sitting down, she tried again, "because she did hurt me.  She somehow forced Xander's feelings into me.  Everything.  It was… it still is…"

She couldn't finish.  Her eyes were starting to well up at the thought.  Seeing her like that, Giles wasn't going to force the issue.

"So that broke the rules.  Xander hadn't been specific about what type of pain she couldn't cause you, and it was enough," Giles finished for her.

Buffy nodded.

"And that's everything?"

"No," Buffy said, composing herself, "Zothos warned us.  He said 'death is but a door'.  He told me to watch him."

Giles and Buffy sat for a moment, not sure what to do next.

"You don't think she's come back, do you?"

"I'm not sure," Giles answered, "but we need to find out.  Let's go to the shop, tell Willow and Tara.  Maybe there's a spell they can do to be certain."

As they made there way out the door, something occurred to Buffy.  A small, unnerving thought.

"What about Anya?" she asked, taking Giles by the arm, "If Xander isn't himself, Anya may be in trouble."

The look on Giles' face wasn't reassuring.  He said nothing.

"What?  What is it?"  
  


"This morning, Xander was the one that phoned in sick for her.  I didn't think anything of it at the time, but now…"

He didn't have to finish.  They both rushed to the car knowing that they had to get to Anya's apartment.  Fast.


	5. Overlooked and Obvious

**Despair by SLynn**

Notes:  Again, I really appreciate all of the feedback I'm getting.  I'm struggling a bit with trying to get through the story and make it coherent.  So far, so good.  I may make some minor changes in the previous chapters to give it more fluidity (there's a word I never thought I'd use!), but nothing plot wise.  Thanks again, please enjoy!

**Chapter 5:  Overlooked and Obvious**

Tara's head hurt.  Not the normal, 'Ooh, ease up on the ice cream' hurt, it wasn't even a 'That's the last time I drink tequila till sunrise' headache.  This was much, much worse.  Her vision was beginning to come back, still weak and white around the edges, but steadily getting stronger.

'Xander.'

No.  She quickly shook the thought from her mind.

'Not anymore.  Constance.'

She really hadn't wanted to be right.  A few times she had been close to caving, to just agreeing with Willow that everything was fine.  But something had kept her from doing that.  She had one thing the others didn't in regards to Xander.  Perspective.

She liked Xander.  She considered him one of her friends, one of her close friends even.  But that was it.  He wasn't her best friend, or her lover, or her son.  She could see him more for the person he was and not what he was expected to be, and that helped her to notice the things the others had been quick to overlook.

She'd never be able to say what exactly had tipped her off, she'd just known.  He had just seemed off to her, even allowing for everything that had happened.  Even after "coming back" it hadn't been the same.  It wasn't like Xander was trying to be his old self again, it was more like someone else pretending to be the old Xander.

All of that and his eyes.  Especially his eyes.  When he'd first returned it was literally like the spark had gone out behind them.  That she could understand.  Constance had broken him.  Badly.  And she didn't expect him to walk in the next day singing a song, but when he did come around, his eyes weren't dull or anything like they had been before.  They were cold.  It was so un-Xander that she had been shocked that she was the only one to notice.  His eyes were cold and they scared her.  Just like Constance had.

Tara finally stood, leaning against the counter.

"Oh my…"

The words died on her lips as for the first time she got a look around what was left of the Magic Shop.  The details as to what had happened seemed fuzzy, but the picture before her laid it all bare.  The place looked destroyed.

"Willow!"

Tara, as fast as she could maneuver around the fallen books and strewn artifacts, raced around the shop looking for her girlfriend.

"Willow!"

Still nothing.

"Tara…"

She'd heard her name coming from the back, sounding weak.

"I'm coming, stay where you are."

Tara almost thought she heard a laugh.

"That's not really a problem."

Tara made her way to the back of the shop, the training room as it was called, where she found Willow pinned underneath the fighting dummy.

"You know," Willow said as she pushed on the pseudo-man, "I never realized this thing was so heavy."

"You're not hurt?"

"I was going to ask you the same thing," Willow said as they, lifting together, managed to move the dummy.

As soon as Willow was free, Tara quickly moved to hug her.

"I thought you might be…"

"Me too," Willow replied, sincerely, "well, not _me _too, but I thought you…"

"What happened?"

"Xander kicked my ass," Willow answered, as if it was obvious.

****

It didn't take Giles and Buffy long to figure out that Anya wasn't at home.  In fact, it looked as though she'd been gone for days.

They both quickly agreed to try Xander's place next.  Fortunately there they were not disappointed.  After Buffy "let herself in" they found Anya tied up in the corner.  The place was trashed.

"What took you so long?" Anya exclaimed as soon as they undid her binds.

"You're welcome," Buffy said, rolling her eyes.  That's gratitude for you.

"Xander's gone insane."

"We think it might be worse then that," Giles said, perusing the room, "Did he do all of this?"  
  


"Yes.  After he got back from the Magic Shop.  It was like he was wired or something," Anya said, as she rubbed her wrists.

"Did he say what he was doing there?" Buffy asked, picking up some scattered books and CD's.

"Nothing I could understand.  He was ranting about Willow mostly.  You don't think he hurt her or anything, do you?"

Buffy and Giles exchanged glances.

"What's going on here?" Anya asked, now more worried then before.

"We think Constance is back," Giles said after a pause, "that she's taken over Xander's body somehow."

"Oh.  I thought he'd just finally leapt over the deep end.  I've seen that sort of thing happen to torture victims before.  This one time, during the Spanish Inquisition…"

"Anya," Buffy interrupted, "now is not the time to stroll down memory lane.  We should get to the Magic Shop.  Check on Willow and Tara."

"You're right," Giles said, heading to the door.

"No," Anya called to them, "Buffy wait."

"What Anya?  We don't have a lot of time here."

"Your mom."

"What about her?" Buffy said, more seriously.

"Xander said something about her during this last big blow up.  He… Constance kept saying _you'd_ pay for this.  Something about the game and not much else that made sense.  I think that's where he…she was going."

Buffy stood still for a moment.  She should have said something sooner.  Her mom; her mom would never see it coming.  She liked Xander, trusted him, and treated him like a son.  

"Buffy," Giles said, rousing her, "go check on your mother.  Anya and I will go to the Magic Shop.  We'll all meet up later."

Buffy didn't wait to say goodbye.  She just ran.

****

Joyce sat in the living room, enjoying the rare silence that filled the house.  It wasn't often when she found the time to relax like this.  Both her girls had busy lives.  Buffy's was busier then most college students being the chosen protector of the people, but she handled it well.  Better the well, she was amazing.  And Dawn, Dawn was a typical teenager, her normal daughter, which meant she was mostly loud and obstinate.  And it was wonderful.  Joyce honestly didn't mind.  She loved her daughters more then anything.  But today, she relished the silence.

That was, until it ended.

A loud crash filled the living room as the door flew open.

Before Joyce could even react, before she could even move, she found herself being man-handled.

"Buffy!  What's wrong with you?"

"Mom," her oldest panted, nearly exhausted from running the entire way from Xander's house, "you're alright?"

"Yes.  I'm fine.  What's wrong with you?"

Buffy doubled over, trying to catch her breath, waving her mother off for a moment.

"You're sure nothings wrong?" she said between gasps.

"Positive.  I was just sitting down to read a book.  What's happened?"

"Too much to explain.  You're fine.  Xander's not here.  We're good."

"What's this have to do with Xander?" Joyce asked skeptically.

"Nothing.  Really, he's just not himself lately," Buffy said, finally able to breath normally again.

"He seemed fine today."

Buffy froze.

"He was here?"

"Yes, about half an hour ago."

"Where is he now?  Where'd he go?"  
  


"He took Dawn to the mall.  He said you were all meeting up there for lunch."

Buffy didn't know what to think.  She felt nauseous.  She was a fool.  She should have seen it coming.  Constance had said the next time she played the game with her she'd take Dawn, and she did.

"Buffy, you're scaring me.  What's happened?"

"Something very bad."


	6. Alliances

**Despair by SLynn**

**Chapter 6:  Alliances**

Everyone had gathered at Buffy's house.  It was unreal, unbelievable, and most definitely happening.

Joyce had been filled in, but it hadn't made her feel any better.  The thought that Xander of all people couldn't be trusted really shook her.  Even though she'd been told it wasn't really him, Joyce still felt betrayed.

Giles had spoken, mumbled really, once or twice about the unlikely hood of this situation.  He had no idea how to fix this, if they could fix this.

Willow seemed the farthest from accepting it as fact.  She just couldn't believe Xander was gone.

Tara didn't know what to say, was really past speaking.  She'd always had a hard time talking in front of a group, but this made it impossible.

Anya just fidgeted.  She kept thinking that someone _should_ be talking, she just couldn't think of an appropriate topic.

As bad as everyone felt at that moment, Buffy felt the worse.  She'd known what had happened to Xander, what had really happened, and she hadn't said anything.

"Well what can we do?  Do we just wait to hear from him?  Can't we go and find them both?  Bring her back?"

They were all a bit taken back that Joyce had been the one to take the initiative at this point, but not completely.  It was after all her youngest daughter off with a crazy, body-stealing, soulless former slayer bent on revenge.

"_Her_ Mom," Buffy said, quietly, "_her._  And no, we can't just wait here.  We have to find away to get Constance out of Xander's body and …."

Buffy couldn't finish.  She had no idea what to do with Constance, or what they could do with her once she was out.

"Agreed," Giles nodded, "but that isn't going to be easy.  We don't really know if Xander is still there himself."

"No he has to be.  He _was himself after that whole ordeal.  That __was him."_

"Buffy, we just need to be prepared for the possibility that it _might not_ have."

Buffy just turned away.  She didn't buy that and saw no point in arguing it now.

"So," Anya said, finally feeling she could add something, "you want to do what, something like an exorcism?  Because honestly, I _know those don't work."_

"No but we could try a spell.  Cast out the spare soul?" Willow suggested.

"That sounds too risky," Giles said, shaking his head, "if Xander is still in there with her, you could inadvertently cast out the wrong soul, and if he wasn't and we cast out the only soul residing in his body, we'd be in effect killing him.  He'd have no place to go back too."

"If it really is just Constance in there now, why didn't she just kill us?  It's not like it wouldn't have been hard to do."

Tara could still surprise them when she wanted, and this time she really made them think.

"That's," Giles started, paused, then began again, "That's a very good point.  She wouldn't have any qualms about killing any or all of us, but she didn't.  She even had the element of surprise…"

He just trailed off, but they all knew what that meant.  The only thing it could mean.  What they so wanted it to mean.

"…either she hasn't fully recovered her powers or…"

"…Xander's holding her back."  Buffy finished for him.

****

Spike lay silently on his bed.  He generally didn't sleep, didn't really have too, but boredom had gotten the better of him.

He couldn't hunt because of that damn chip, the sun was still up so he couldn't even leave his crypt, and the bloody cable was on the fritz making him miss Passions.

Somewhere in the middle of a dream he felt a hand wrap around his throat.

"That's impressive," Spike said coolly as he opened his eyes, knowing who'd be there, "I didn't even hear you come in."

"I'm good at that."

"So, is there something I can do for you?"

"Would you be surprised if I said I just came here to kill you?"

"Not really.  But it isn't going to be that easy."

Spike began to push himself up, but stopped midway when he felt the grip tighten and the bones in his neck vibrate.

"I can twist your head clean off, you know that right?  It wouldn't take but half a second.  It _would_ be that easy.  You believe me, don't you?"

Spike smiled a bit.  "I do."

"Don't forget it."

Xander let go of Spike and stepped back a bit.

"Interesting décor you have here," he said looking around, "but its kind of cliché.  Do all vampires read Anne Rice?"

He went on like that for a few minutes more.  Spike just listened and didn't say anything.  Obviously Xander was no longer running his own show.  This Constance chick must have finally gotten the better of him.  Xander was weak.

'This could be fun,' he thought.

Xander wheeled around, stopping abruptly mid-sentence.

"So, you're probably wondering why I'm here and why I haven't killed you, _yet_."

"I figured you'd tell me yourself when you got tired of gabbing."

Spike didn't like the look that crossed Xander's face.

"You've got a smart mouth, I don't like that."  Xander's face was cold and serious.

Spike hadn't been afraid of anything in so long he'd nearly forgotten how to feel that particular emotion.  That look, the one fixed on him now, almost made him remember.

"Let's be honest with each other, I don't like you.  I don't like vampires.  I could have gone to anyone for this errand, but I choose you.  You should be grateful for that.  Grateful that I didn't just walk in here and kill you in your sleep, but that's not my style really."

Xander paused and then strode purposely over to Spike and met him eye to eye, barely a foot apart.  "When I _do_ kill you Spike, it won't be quick.  It won't be while you sleep.  And it won't be a simple dusting.  I can drag out a death for days, and that's just a human.  You'd last longer.  I'd probably hobble you first, you know, break your legs.  Maybe even crush your spine.  I enjoy that sort of thing.  Means I can take my time because really, you wouldn't be going anywhere after that.  Or maybe I just leave you like that for a few decades, let you wait it out.  You remember what it's like to be in a wheelchair.  Care to try it again?"

Spike still hadn't flinched, hadn't backed down any.

'Bloody insane.'

Xander smiled.

"You think so?  Maybe, never thought about it really.  I am what I am."

'Insane and telepathic.  There's a winning combination.'

"Don't cross me Spike.  I'm here to offer you something.  Something you want more then anything.  You might want to reconsider your attitude."

This time Spike smiled.  He was ready to listen.

"Now we're getting somewhere," Xander stepped back a few paces, giving Spike some room.

"Alright then, you said something about an errand?" Spike said, looking around him a bit for his cigarettes.

"First things first," Xander said as he closed the gap between them in one quick stride and backhanded Spike hard enough to knock him to the floor.

The look on Spike's face was one part disbelief and one part admiration.  He didn't think the kid had it in him.  Of course, he'd forgotten this wasn't Xander anymore.  He'd be sure not to make that mistake again.

"Might as well stay there," he said calmly kicking Spike hard in the chest as he attempted to get up, "I can see you haven't learned your place yet."

****

Giles and Anya had gone back to the Magic Shop to pick up some books they might need and anything else that looked useful and intact.

Joyce decided there was nothing she could do but start cooking.  She was going to have a houseful for the night.  They'd need something to eat and she needed something to do.

Willow, Tara and Buffy had been trying to stay out of Joyce's way while still doing something productive.  So far they weren't succeeding.

In the background the phone rang.

"Hello," Buffy answered, expecting a status report from either Giles or Anya.

"Hey Buff.  You miss me?" Xander's voice asked over the line.

Buffy's eyed widened as she motioned Willow and Tara over to her.

"You've got my attention.  Where's Dawn?"

"You haven't changed, still in such a hurry.  Some one really needs to teach you some patience."

Buffy stood mute.

"Really Buffy, it's not good for you.  You'll get high blood pressure or something."

"Where is Dawn?"

"Impatient and persistent.  I remember what that was like.  It's almost like they pick slayers based on those traits alone."

"Constance…"

"What?  No, not Constance, call me Xander.  I'm getting use to this body.  Maybe the change will do me good."

Buffy stood mute.

"Fine, you're not in the mood to play games.  I understand that.  I don't really want to either.  In fact, I'm just calling to give you a warning.  I know you and your little 'slayerettes' are going to try something stupid like restore Xander's soul or cast me out, some sort of nonsense like that.  I'm just going to tell you once that it's not a good idea.  I haven't hurt Dawn, haven't even touched her, but I will.  I so much as catch that witch friend of yours mutter a word in Latin or Greek, so much as mumble one word or syllable, and I'll kill Dawn.  Slowly."

"So you expect us to just…"

"I don't expect you to do anything.  Give it time slayer.  Just think of me holding Dawn as insurance."

"What are you going to do then?"

"Well I'm not going to ruin the surprise.  That wouldn't be fun.  Besides, you'll know soon enough."

"Why should I believe anything you say?"  
  


"I've never lied before, that should be enough."

"It's not."

"Okay, how about this.  Meet me at cemetery in half an hour.  Come alone.  You show up and I'll answer all of your questions."

"I'll be there."


	7. All I Really Want

**Despair by SLynn**

**Chapter 7:  All I Really Want**

Buffy waited around the crypt that Xander and she had normally patrolled together.  She couldn't be certain, but she thought this was where Constance had meant to meet her.

It didn't take long for her to be proven right.

"Hey there," he said, smiling as he walked up from behind her, "you showed."

"I'm here.  Now spill."

"That's not how this works," Xander said, sitting on top of the nearest tombstone, "you ask me questions.  I answer.  That's how civilized people talk Buffy.  You can't just go demanding things, it's rude."

"Okay, what are you planning?" Buffy asked, clearly irritated.

"I'm planning on having a talk with you and then going to check on your dear little sister."

"That's not what I meant."

"It's what you asked."

"Why are you so bent on us not doing the spells?"

"Better question.  You're learning."  He stood up and began walking in circles around her.  "First off, you'll never succeed.  Your witches are strong, but they're not that strong.  They're just as impatient as you are.  Second, if you do manage to successfully rid Xander's body of the right soul, what do you think that'll do to him?  Do you think he'll be able to live with himself knowing what he's done?  How's he hurt all of you?  Buffy, he's kidnapped your sister.  We both know him well enough that if the spell doesn't kill him, he's good as dead anyways."

"Xander hasn't done anything wrong," Buffy said sternly and for a moment she thought something like his old self flash across his features.

"Don't be ridiculous," he continued, shaking it off, "he's done everything wrong.  He let this happen because he's weak.  You _all know that."_

"He's still fighting you, isn't he?" Buffy asked.  It was her turn to smile, "You don't have as much control as you'd like us to believe."

Xander's look grew hard, and then softened.  He almost looked sad.  He almost looked like himself.

"What do you know about control?" he asked, no longer sounding like Constance, "What do you know about me?"

"I know what I see," Buffy said, her voice softening.

Buffy watched as he clenched and unclenched his fists again and again at his side.

"Do you?"

Buffy nodded, "I can see who you are."

"I'm not sure I know that anymore."

"I know you're scared Xander, but…"

He laughed.  Whatever changes had been taking place were erased that quickly.  The real Xander was gone again.

"Nice try.  Really, an A for effort.  But it's not going to work.  Like I told you, he's weak."

"If he's so weak why didn't you just kill us all why you had the chance?  You had us all fooled.  None of us knew a thing and yet you did nothing."

"That's just not me though," he said smoothly, but his eyes said something else, "Besides, I could hurt you if I wanted too. It's just more fun this way."

"I thought you didn't lie."

"Time for me to go," he said, turning his back on her.  "Don't try to follow me slayer, or your sister will find out just how harmless I am."

Buffy watched him leave.  In some ways she felt better, but in others she felt worse.

****

Dawn sat huddled in the corner of what she could only assume was a closet.  She wasn't really sure where Xander had taken her or how long he'd been gone.  All she knew for certain was that she was terrified.

Before throwing her in here he'd tied her hands and feet and a handkerchief of some type around her mouth.  She was starting to get rope burns from twisting her hands back and forth.  It didn't matter; she was determined to get loose.

She stopped fidgeting when she'd heard a noise.  It sounded like a door.

'How did this happen?' she thought.

All she knew was that Xander had seemed normal when he'd stopped by to take her to the mall and then half way there she realized they were heading the wrong way.  She had jokingly called him on it and he just stared at her like she was an alien or something.  Then he'd laughed and told her there had been a change in plans.

She'll never forget the look on his face.  She never thought she'd see _him look that evil._

Dawn craned her neck towards the door.  

Footsteps.  She had definitely heard footsteps.

Suddenly, the door flew open.

"Now what have we got here," Spike asked, looking down at her.

She'd try to say, "You look like hell," but with the gag firmly in place, it didn't have the same affect.

He was wearing his game face, but was so beaten you could hardly tell it.

Dawn recoiled as he leaned in towards her.

"Now Spike," a familiar voice called from behind, "what did I tell you?"

Spike's face fell back to normal and he took a few steps back giving Dawn a good view of Xander standing just behind him.

"She's off limits.  Besides, she not what you really want."

With that, Xander casually stepped past Spike and began to shut the door.

"See Dawn, I told you.  You've got nothing to worry about here.  I'll take good care of you."

Then he shut the door firmly leaving her alone in the dark.

Dawn leaned in as close as she could to the door, trying to catch the conversation taking place on the other side.

"Did you get what I need?"

"Yeah, I got your bloody cup.  When can I get what I want?"

"Soon.  Be patient."

"I've been patient, now I want…"

Spike's voice was cut short.  Dawn thought she heard a gargled gasp.

After that she didn't listen anymore.

****

Buffy and company sat around the Summers' dining room table discussing strategy.

"I'm afraid he didn't leave us much.  Only five or six books are fully intact.  We'll be fortunate if we can get anything out of them."

Joyce looked worried at Giles last words.

"She really doesn't want us doing that spell," Buffy said, "which makes me really want to do it."

"I know Buffy, but we may have to start looking at other methods."

"Wait a minute," Willow said, looking up from the book before her, "I think we just hit the jackpot."

She pushed the book across the table to Giles.  Buffy and Joyce leaned in over his shoulders.

"What is that, Latin?" Joyce asked.

"Looks like it.  It's seems to be a banishment spell.  Rids the person of an unwanted entity or demon from a dwelling," Giles said as he looked over the spell, "Could you make this work?"  
  


Tara and Willow exchanged quick glances.

"Yeah," Willow nodded, "I think so."

"How soon can you get started?"

Despite Constance's warning, they had decided to go forward with the spell.  They had no choice and no other options.  A few hours later they'd gathered their supplies and were ready to begin.

Tara drew a circle on the ground with salt.  Willow lit the candles, looked over her notes, and sat down in the center.

Placing a shirt of Xander's they'd picked up on their "gathering spree" directly in front of her, Willow next filled a small chalice with lavender water to her left and the one to her right with sand.

They all stood transfixed in the background, watching as the Wicca began to chant.

She had warned them that it might take some time for anything to happen, and for ten minutes they watched as she sat, seemingly affecting nothing.

Then it all changed.

The room grew darker.  The candles shown brighter.  It was as if the floor around Willow literally shook, knocking over both of the cups beside her.

Willow seemed unaffected.  She continued chanting louder and louder.  The sound was growing deafening.

"This isn't right," Tara said, turning to Giles for help.

Giles seemed at a loss for what to do.

"Giles!"

"Break the circle," he said, as if coming to from some trance, "quickly!"

Buffy and Tara rushed in with him, and as quickly as they could began pushing around the salt with their hands.

Willow began to sway back and forth, still chanting but not nearly at the same volume as before.  When the last of the circle was broken, she just collapsed.

They all stood over her each equally concerned.

The sound of clapping from the kitchen doorway caused them all to turn sharply.

"Quite a show.  I'm glad I didn't miss it."

"What have you done?" Buffy stood.

"Me," Xander said, in mock surprise, "I've done nothing.  In fact, I even warned you _not to do the spell.  It's not my fault if you didn't listen."_

No one said anything.

"Besides, she had it coming to her.  She was messing with magic's way over her head.  She should have done some more research.  Of course, it probably didn't help that I tainted the spellbook.  Oh well, these things can't be helped."

"You tainted it?" Tara asked, unable to keep the stutter out of her voice.

"That's right, and you haven't gotten long to find the cure either.  I'd say till about six or seven hours."

Tara looked down at Willow whose head rested in her lap.  She felt like she was burning up and her lips were still moving as if she was trying to complete the spell.

"Maybe next time you'll all believe me when I say something.  I don't lie."

Before they could react, he was gone leaving them all to wonder what to do next.


	8. Remembrances

**Despair by SLynn**

**Chapter 8:  Remembrances**

Tara was frantic.  They'd taken Willow upstairs and placed her in Buffy's room for now.  Tara wouldn't leave her side.  Joyce was doing everything she knew of to bring down the fever, but nothing seemed to work.  Giles was already in full research mode, recruiting Anya.  Buffy was just furious.  She should have known.

"Damn it," she muttered to herself as she walked between the living room and dining room, and then back again.

She didn't think Constance would do it, could hurt one of them this badly.  She'd been too quick to believe Xander still had some control.  She wanted so much for that to be true.  All of it could be an act.  Constance might just be luring them in, further and further.

'Dawn…'

She didn't want to let herself dwell on that for long.  Dawn could be seriously hurt right now and it would be all her fault.

"Buffy?" Giles said interrupting her solitude.  He could tell by looking at her what was on her mind.  It was the same thing that all of them were consumed with.  "We're going to need a few things from the shop.  They should be in the storage room, locked up.  The taint was actually fairly mild.  As soon as we gather the ingredients we should have it reversed in an hour or so.  Willow will be fine."

"That's good," Buffy said, hearing all but half.  Her thoughts were still focused on Dawn.

"If we wrote up a list…"  
  


"Sure.  No problem.  Make a list and I'll be on my way."

"Right then."

Giles hurried back to the dining room.  He hated asking her to do this, especially now.  It seemed a trivial errand, but the distraction would be good for her.  Buffy needed something to do.  This was at least something.

Buffy ran upstairs to check on Willow one last time before she headed out.

****

Spike brought in the rest of the goods he'd gathered for that sod.  The sooner this was over with, the better.

Xander looked everything over and smiled.

"Excellent job Spike," he said, sounding overly sweet, "I knew you were the perfect choice for this job.  You've really earned your reward."

"Good then," Spike said standing, "I'm done?"  
  


"What no thank you?  I freed you from that leash.  Unchained you really.  I'm ready to hand the slayer over to you, and all you can think about is leaving?"

"We did each other a favor," he answered, looking down, "don't see that we…"

His words were cut short as he hit the floor gasping

"Spike, Spike, Spike.  Really now.  I expected better.  I expected gratitude.  You know you'll never _really be done.  I own you now."_

Spike nodded a few times and felt the invisible grip ease.

"Besides, you've got some time.  She won't be in place for at least another ten or fifteen minutes.  That'll give you plenty of time to get there."

Spike rose to his feet and nodded once more.

'After this is over,' he told himself, 'I'm going to cut your bloody head off.'

Xander smiled.

"No, after this is over, you're not going to see me again."

Spike turned to leave.

"One other thing," Xander said, halting the vampire in his tracks, "by the time you're through with the slayer, I should be finished here.  Feel free to help yourself to whatever's lying around."

  
Spike smiled.  He hated the bitch, but she, he, whatever was evil.  And he could respect that.

"Will do."

****

It was Buffy's first look at the Magic Shop since Constance had wrecked it.  She could hardly believe it.

"… said you'd be here.  Should have known… wanker's always right."

Buffy was startled to hear the voice coming from the back of the shop, somewhere from the loft.

"Spike?" she called out. 

"Don't you know it!" he practically yelled as he jumped down.

Buffy instinctively took a step back and stood in a modified attack position.

'This isn't right,' her mind raced.

"What are you doing here?"

"Waiting for you," he laughed.

He was deliberately taking his time approaching her.  One careful step at a time.  When he as about halfway there, she could finally see him completely.  He was bruised and bloody, and Buffy was fairly certain that he was also limping.

"God Spike," Buffy gasped, "what the hell happened to you?"

"Your _friend_ paid me a visit."

"Constance did this to you?" 

"Constance… Xander… they're both the same now.  Doesn't really matter which one did it, does it love?"

"Yes, it does."

"Fine.  Believe what you want."

"Why did she tell you I'd be here?"  
  


"Funny thing really," Spike said, taking a few steps closer, "I was just getting to that…"

Buffy hadn't noticed it at first, Spike's game face.  He was in full-on vamp mode when he lunged at her.  He got off two good blows before she was able to put up any sort of defense.

'What the…'  The thought died in her head.

"I thought you were neutered?" she said, as he backed her into a corner.  He was going after her full force, but was obviously weak.  Buffy, not one to drag out a fight, was forced to this time.  She wanted answers.

"Funny thing about that is that it seems like I got myself a new pair," Spike retorted, as he picked up and flung the nearest chair her way.

Buffy only got partly out of the way.  The chair struck her square on the left shoulder causing her to fall momentarily to the floor.

Spike, not wasting any time, pounced on her.  They struggled for a few minutes but Buffy was far stronger.  Constance had beaten and angered Spike, had riled him up for the fight, but at this point it was hardly a match.

Buffy pushed him off of her and began to fight back.  Hard.

"You're in on this?  You helped her take Dawn?"  She could feel the anger in her rise.

"I was recruited, yeah.  So what?  I _am evil, why are you so surprised?"_

"We trusted you Spike," Buffy said, knocking him hard into the only standing bookcase left.  

"That was your mistake."

"Yeah well," Buffy said, breaking off the let of the nearest chair, "it was my last one."

****

He took a breath.  A long, deep breath and then he opened his eyes.

His body tingled all over, almost like a low current electric shock was pulsing through him.  It didn't hurt, but was making him nauseous.

All he could see was the ceiling.  He didn't know whose ceiling it was, it certainly wasn't his.  And he was laying on something.  A table?  He wasn't sure.  He definitely had no idea why.

His mouth felt pasty, like he hadn't had a drink of anything in a long, long time.

He couldn't remember anything at first.  But then vague recollections came.

"Oh God," he muttered, sitting up and bringing his hands to his head.

In the last few weeks Xander had had moments, barely seconds really, where he was actually in control of his body.  Earlier in the graveyard, he thought it was today, when he'd actually spoken with Buffy was the longest he'd had control since he could remember _not_ having control.  He wasn't even sure how long that was.  Even then, Constance had been sure to let him know that she was still in charge.  How long had Constance been with him?  He didn't know.  Time was fuzzy.  It was all fuzzy.  It could have been days, it could have been years.  She'd let him see what she wanted him too, and hid the rest.  He couldn't recall it all and was fairly certain he didn't want too.  

But this, this was different.  It was new.  He couldn't feel her anymore.  He couldn't hear her in his head.

Xander struggled to his feet.  He had to pause, gain his balance and then try to continue.  He felt weak, like his knees could give out at any second.  The room appeared to be teetering.  The motion forced him to sit back down on the table.  

"You're awake," a familiar voice said from behind, "I was beginning to worry I'd done this wrong.  I'm so glad you made it.  I really wouldn't want _you_ to miss this."

Xander thought he might be sick.  It couldn't be.  He couldn't feel her anymore, she couldn't be here.  She was gone.  Dead.  She had to be.

"Thank you so much.  I really couldn't have done it with out you."

Xander just shook his head slowly from side to side.  It wasn't real.  That was the only explanation.  Early on, when he'd first heard that voice in his head, he had convinced himself that he was going insane.  Now he knew it.  He had to be certifiable, it was the only explanation.

"Sweetie," Constance cooed as she walked around to face him, "what's wrong?  Don't you remember?"

She was right in front of him now, actually touching him on the shoulders.  She looked exactly the same.  Same dark hair and features with those cold pale eyes.  He physically recoiled at the contact, but it hadn't stopped here.  She pretended not to notice and just kept talking.

"I guess it is pretty difficult.  Let me help you out."

Constance slowly took his head between her hands and tilted it up to meet her gaze.

Xander sat there shaking.  His eyes were watering.  He knew what she was going to do.

"Don't worry Xander.  This won't hurt."

She paused and smiled.

"Well, it won't hurt me."

Xander wanted to scream.  He wanted to run and hide, but he couldn't.  There was no place to go.  Worst of all, she was going to make him remember.


	9. Truth Be Told

**Despair by SLynn**

**Chapter 9:  Truth Be Told**

It hadn't taken much to knock Spike unconscious; the real work had been getting him back to her house.

Buffy had so wanted to dust him.  To just for once and for all be done with the bastard.  She'd come close to doing it too, but had held back.  They needed answers.  It was obvious Spike was somehow involved in all of this, had been in contact with Constance, and Buffy needed to know where to find her.

"A little help please," Buffy called as she entered the house, dragging Spike behind her.

"Buffy," Giles exclaimed, "what happened?"

"I'll explain as we tie him up.  Anya, get some rope or something.  We've got to hurry, he could wake up soon."

Giles rushed over to help Buffy lug the surprisingly heavy Spike to a chair in the dining room.  Anya came back rather quickly and began to wrap him up.

"Wow Buffy," she said dryly, "you really beat the crap out of him."

"I didn't do half of that, Constance did."

Giles and Anya stared at him.

"And he is apparently chip-less, so make sure those are tight," Buffy continued, indicating the ropes.

Anya began to double check her handiwork.

"She took out the chip?" Giles asked in disbelief.

"Took it out, short circuited it, who knows.  He was waiting for me at the Magic Shop.  Seems Constance found herself an errand boy.  She knew we'd go back for supplies to cure Willow."

"Speaking of that…"

"Oh," Buffy interrupted, "sorry.  With all of the dragging and clubbing I'd nearly forgot."

Buffy pulled several small vials out of her backpack.

"That's everything you asked for although you might want to test it or something.  Who knows what other traps she might have set."

"Good point," Giles answered, turning from all of them and taking the items into the kitchen.

There was silence as Buffy and Anya stood before a very unconscious and tied-up Spike.

"Do you think…" Anya started and stopped abruptly.

More silence.

"We're not going to be able to do anything for him, are we?" Anya finally got out.

"Spike?" Buffy asked skeptically, "If I have anything to say about it we'll kill him as soon as he's given up all he knows."

"Not Spike Buffy, Xander.  Do you think anyone can do anything for Xander?"

Buffy decided to be truthful, no matter how much it hurt them both.

"I don't think so.  I don't think there's anything left of him to help.  Not anymore."

"What?" she stared in disbelief.  "You're just going to give up on him?  After everything he's done for you.  What will you do, just kill him, throw up your hands and say, 'Oh well, it was our only option!"

"It's not like that Anya," Buffy said, trying hard to fight back her rage, "but we need to face reality.  It made sense for us to believe Xander was still fighting Constance, trying to regain control, but I just can't see that anymore.  I can't believe that any part of him is still in there.  Not after all of this.  Xander would _never hurt Willow.  He would _never_ conspire with Spike.  Constance has been playing us.  She has all of his memories; it wouldn't be hard to convince us she was him if she had too.  She's been doing it for over a week, maybe longer."_

"That's bullshit," Anya yelled, "and you know it.  You saw him Buffy.  You know what she did to him.  How was he supposed to fight that?  Hell, look at Spike.  She had a hundred year old vampire at her beck and call, after what, a day."

"Girls," they heard from the top of the steps, "that's enough."

Looking up they saw Joyce and Tara watching them.

Joyce, satisfied that she had stopped them for the time being, returned to Willow's side. 

"Buffy," Tara said quietly as she came down the stairs, "he _is_ still in there.  You can't give up."

"How could you know that?  How are any of us supposed to know that?  I'm tried of being taken for a fool by that _thing.  She knew we wouldn't try to hurt her while she was in his body.  She knew we couldn't.  Constance has been playing us."_

"When Willow and I did the spell, he _was_ still there Buffy.  You have to believe that."

"I don't know…" Buffy said as she turned away, heading for the kitchen, leaving the two girls to just watch her walk away.

Giles looked up from re-reading the counter-spell and checking over the various ingredients needed when Buffy entered.  She stood over the sink just looking out the window.

"Everything alright?" he asked, knowing full well it wasn't.  They'd be yelling loud enough to wake the dead in there.

"No." Buffy said, shaking her head.  Her voice was wavering.  "Nothing is alright.  I don't know what to think anymore Giles.  I don't know what to do."

He stood up and went over to her.

"I thought," Buffy began, and then began again, "I thought Xander _had_ to still be in there.  That he'd be fighting her."

Giles remained quiet, aware that she only needed to get this out without interruption.

"But she sent Spike to kill me.  She did that.  Xander would never…"

She turned to face Giles.  At that moment he thought he'd never really seen her defeated.

"…he'd never let that happen Giles.  He just wouldn't…"

Buffy's voice trailed off.  It was easy for Giles to understand where she was coming from.

"Buffy," he began, his voice calm "we must try to understand.  _He's not the one doing this.  I thought you knew that?  Xander, in all likelihood, may have absolutely no control over what is happening, but that doesn't mean he's not still in there.  We can't just abandon him to it.  Especially since he would never do that to any of us."_

Buffy nodded her head, wiping the tears from her eyes.  Giles had a way of making things clearer.  It was what she needed to hear.  Each time she met with Xander/Constance, it had been harder and harder to separate the two from each other.  And to see him laughing over his best friend like that.  And then Spike.  It was just plain mind-numbing.  

Satisfied that Buffy was at least a little better, Giles returned to his work.

"Giles," Buffy said, stopping before going back to the others, "Constance was right though."

"About what?"

"If we _can_ fix this, get her out of his body, it's going to kill him."

With that, she just left the room, leaving Giles to ponder that statement.

****

By the time the antidote was prepared and being administered by Giles to Willow, Spike was coming too.

"Glad you could join us," Buffy greeted him.

"What's this then?"

"Come on Spike, don't play dumb.  You're lucky I didn't kill you back at the Magic Shop."

Spike just kind of snickered.

"Yeah, that was fun.  Like old times."

"Let's get one thing straight, I'm not here to relive the good old days with you.  I want to know where Dawn is."

"Little bit?  What makes you think I know?"  
  


"Anya, the squirt gun please."

"With pleasure," the ex-demon replied, handing over the child-like weapon.

"Talk," Buffy said, her face serious despite holding a purple plastic toy at the vampire.

"Is this some kind of… owwwww!… bloody hell…  I'll talk, I'll talk.  Just turn off the water works."

"Good," Buffy said, no longer spraying him with the holy water, "where is she?"

"Old abandoned building by the docks.  Somewhere on the second floor."

"There's like a half a dozen abandoned buildings down there," Anya exclaimed.

"You're going to have to be more specific," Buffy said, aiming the gun again.

"It's on the corner of Bayshore and 81st street.  Really, that's all I know."

"You'd better not be lying," Buffy said as she and Anya walked up the stairs to join the others.

"So what, you're just going to leave me here?"

No answer.

"Buffy?"

Still nothing.

"Buffy!"

****

Xander was awake.  Whatever Constance had done to him had momentarily knocked him unconscious, but he had been awake for hours now.  He wasn't locked up.  He wasn't hurt.  He just simply didn't know what to do.

There was only one thought running through his head at that time.

'How am I ever going to face them again?'

That thought had kept him glued in place since Constance had returned his memories.  Everything she'd done to his friends, he'd lived and relived a thousand times.

'How am I ever going to face them again?'

It was like a dream almost.  You know the type that keeps repeating over and over until you wake up shaking and trying to forget.  Except he couldn't wake up and he couldn't forget.

'They're going to hate me.  They're never going to trust me again.'

He just sat with his head in his hands and tried to force out the mental pictures that continuously invaded his head.

'Buffy, Anya, Willow, Giles…why did I let this happen?'

The room spun.  There was no getting past it.  No way out of it.

'Dawn.'

That thought stuck.

"Dawn," he said aloud, almost as if he _had snapped out of a dream._

She was here.  He'd been so caught up in self-pity that he had forgotten that she was here, somewhere in this building with him.

"Dawn!" he yelled, hoping she'd answer, as he began frantically searching about the place.

As hard as he had been trying to forget, he now found himself trying to remember.  Where did Constance put her?

It came to him in a flash as he raced towards the closet in the back.

Flinging open the door, his eyes locked with hers.

'Oh God, she's afraid of me,' he thought, knowing he'd never forget the look on her face.

And she was.  All Dawn could think was that Xander had finally really snapped and was going to kill her.  She'd heard him yelling throughout the place and had hoped he'd forgotten where she was.  Unfortunately, he hadn't.

"Dawn," he said, hesitantly reaching for her as he knelt down, "I'm so sorry.  I didn't mean for any of this…"

Dawn squirmed her way as far as she could into the back of the closet, even attempting once or twice to kick him with her bound feet.

"Please," he said, his voice starting to falter, "I'll untie you and you can just leave.  I won't come near you again.  I promise."

Dawn wanted to believe him.  He was sounding like his old self.  Looking more like the Xander she knew, but it could be a trick.  Whatever had caused him to blow a gasket could just be temporarily fixed.

"At least let me untie your hands," he was practically begging her now, afraid to get any closer, "I'll undo them and you can do the rest."

Slowly, Dawn put her hands out in front of her.  Xander, as quick as he could and touching her as little as possible, began to undo the ropes.

"Get away from her."

The voice had startled them both causing Dawn to push herself back further into the closet and Xander to jump to his feet.

"Buffy," was all he managed in a choked voice before she was at him.

'I was right,' he thought as the force of the blow knocked him to the wall, 'they're never going forgive me.'


	10. Open Wounds

**Despair by SLynn**

**Chapter 10:  Open Wounds**

After administering the correct dosage it seemed like they had waited an entirety for some signs of life from Willow.  She just continued to lay there for at least another half an hour before finally leaping forward and crying out.

"Make her stop!  Make her stop!"

No one knew what to do.  Giles had never seen anything like it before.

"Is this normal?" Anya asked to no one in particular.

"Definitely not," was all Giles replied, as he began hurriedly looking through his texts.

"Make her stop!" Willow continued to scream.  Her eyes were black and glossed over.

Tara, unable to take it anymore, sat down on the bed beside her and took her by the shoulders.

"Willow, please.  What's wrong with you?  Make who stop?"

Willow stopped and looked her dead in the eyes.

"Buffy."

"What about Buffy?" Joyce asked, growing concerned.

"I saw it.  I saw it."  Willow sounded calmer, but was still clearly not herself.

"Giles," Tara pleaded, "do something."

"What did you see?" Joyce asked, leaning in closer.

"She's going to kill him."

The commotion in the room came to a halt as her words hung in the air.

"She doesn't know.  You have to make her stop."

"Willow how do you… who's shown you this?" Tara asked.

Slowly Willow raised her hand and pointed towards the corner.

"She did."

In unison they all turned towards the spot she'd pointed at, but no one was there.

"Are you sure you did the counter spell right, because _she's obviously lost something in the translation," Anya asked Giles._

Giles just glared at her for a moment before turning back to Willow.

"There's nobody there sweetie," Tara said softly, stroking her hair.

"No," Willow answered, somewhat deflated, "she's flown already.  She's gone to laugh and smile."

Willow lay back down on the pillow.  Everyone was at a loss and seemed to be talking at once.

"Better check the puppy," Willow said suddenly, loudly over all the voices in the room, "he's off his leash."

No one knew what to make of it.  Until, in a flash, it hit Giles.

"Everyone, stay here," he said sternly as walked out of the room.

"Rupert, what's wrong?" Joyce asked, starting to follow.

"Just stay here, I won't be long," he said, stopping only to answer and then continuing on, "and lock the door behind me."

Giles thought he might know what Willow had meant, at least that last part.  And as he looked down over the railing, he found she'd been right.

Spike was loose.

****

Buffy had attacked him more out of blind rage then anything.  She had struck him again and again before she could contain herself enough to speak.  The whole time he'd done nothing more then get back up and face her.  Repeatedly.  That in itself had fueled her farther then she had intended to go.

"Why don't you fight back?" she found herself yelling, "Do something!"

But he couldn't.  Xander was past the point of caring.  Buffy was going to kill him and he deserved it.  After everything that had happened, he deserved this.  So he kept taking it.  Kept getting back up knowing she'd put him back down on the floor, or into the wall, or the table.  It didn't matter anymore.  He just wanted it to be over.

Dawn was terrified.  She'd never seen her sister so out of control.  It was like she'd gone insane.  She wasn't sure but she thought that she might be more afraid of Buffy then she was of Xander.

Buffy finally relented.  She was exhausted emotionally.  She didn't know what she was doing anymore.  Even though it was Constance, she was in Xander's body.  Part of Xander was too, but at this time she was too enraged to really remember that.

Xander, sensing she was done just leaned back into the wall and slumped down.

"What do you want from us?  From me?  Just tell me that and lets get this over with," Buffy asked, "What do you want me to do?"

"I'm so…" Xander started to say, but instead just stopped and stared past her.

"Hit him again.  I think he likes it."

At first Buffy didn't think she'd heard that right.  Didn't think she'd heard it at all.

"Come on Buffy, hit him," Constance's voice called out from behind her, "he's half dead anyways.  Might as well finish the job.  Besides, I think I'm learning a thing or two from you.  You _are good."_

Buffy's face changed from disbelief, to shock, and then remorse in a matter of moments.

"Xander?" she asked tentatively, her voice full of emotion.

"I'm sorry Buffy, I'm so sorry."

"Oh Buffy, don't pretend.  You knew it was Xander, that I'd let him go.  How could you not?  If I was really in there do you think you would have even gotten within a foot of me?  That I would have let you do _that_?  Be serious now."

Buffy finally turned and faced her.  She didn't feel the rage anymore.  She didn't know what to feel.

"What's wrong, cat got your tongue?"

"How…"

"How'd I do it?  You should have asked Spike all about it when you had the chance, but I don't think you will now.  He's the one that got me what I needed.  You never stopped to ask why I'd set him free, did you?  Sure, it was fun to watch him go all bad without you ever suspecting, but what's more fun is the fact that you're still underrating him.  The guy is evil Buffy, and you just left him at your house?  With all of your friends and family?  What if he gets loose?  What if _someone_ helps him?  Really, that wasn't very smart.  When I was slaying, we actually killed vampires."

"You've got what you've wanted.  You've proved your point.  Why don't you…"  
  


"I've proved nothing," Constance said, teeth clenched, "How dare you assume you know me.  You haven't seen anything yet.  I guarantee it."

Constance suddenly turned her attention from Buffy to Dawn.

"We still haven't played our game yet little girl.  I was unfortunately delayed in that, but I'm feeling much better now.  I'm actually glad we waited.  Aren't you?"  
  


Buffy rushed over to stand between them, pushing Dawn further into the closet.    
  


"You're not touching her."

"Funny, I don't remember asking you to play.  You can sit this round out, but I promise you're next," Constance said, unaffected and continuing towards them both.

Xander had made his way to his feet.  He couldn't let Constance do this.  Before he realized he was doing anything, he was halfway to her.

"What do you think you're doing?" she asked, turning on him and grapping his right arm with her left.

Xander had started to say he was 'going to stop her', but he couldn't get the words out.  She was looking right through him and he knew he'd already lost.

 "He's brave isn't he?" Constance remarked to Buffy, "Brave, but stupid."

Dawn gasped as they heard the audible snapping of Xander's arm.  Buffy was now completely inside the closet with Dawn, having unconsciously stepped back from the sight before her.

Xander fell to his knees, but Constance held on.  His vision had gone black and he wasn't sure if he was screaming or not.  When he finally passed out and hit the floor she let go.

"You might not want to see this," she said with a smile as she stood over him.

Buffy and Dawn found themselves suddenly in the dark, as the closet door slammed shut and locked before them.

  
****

Giles, having searched the entire house from top to bottom, twice, found no trace of Spike.   As reluctant as he was to believe it, it did seem that he had simply just left.

After re-joining the others upstairs and finding Willow decidedly better albeit asleep, he began working on the counter-invitation spell for the Summers' house. 

"So what do we do now?" Anya asked as they all settled back into the living.

"We wait," Giles replied crisply, knowing full well where this was heading.

"Wait," Anya said, shaking her head, "that's all we ever do is wait.  We wait for Buffy to find the bad guys.  We wait for Buffy to kill the bad guys.  Can't we ever do something for ourselves?"  
  


"What else can we do?  We have nothing to go on.  We have no idea how powerful Constance has become, or even the full extent of her powers.  She's continuously one step ahead of us, between planting the taint and setting Spike on us.  Frankly, I'm at a loss.  Buffy shouldn't have gone alone over there to confront her, but I couldn't very well stop her.  It is her sister."  
  


"Well what about Xander?" Anya asked incredulously.

"Do you honestly think you're the only one worried about him?  Really Anya.  We're all worried, but what can we do at this point?"  
  


"Anything is better then this," Anya half-whispered, sitting down on the far side of the room.

"Well then, I suggest you keep researching.  At least that would be _something."_

****

Dawn sat in the back of the closet not sure what was happening.  They hadn't heard anything coming from the other side of the door.  Of course Buffy had been kicking and hitting the door so loudly they wouldn't have been able to hear fireworks going off in the next room.

"Buffy?"

Still she persisted.

"Buffy?" Dawn called louder.

Buffy finally turned and leaned against the still locked door.

"What's going on?  What happened to Xander?  Why was he acting like that?  And who is the psycho?"  
  


"Dawn," Buffy sighed, "it's complicated.  Xander wasn't himself when…"

Buffy was startled to find herself falling backwards, but recovered quickly.

"Stay here," she said quietly to Dawn and then began looking about the room.

They hadn't been locked up for very long, but she had the feeling Constance didn't need a lot of time.

Buffy saw him almost immediately, no doubt by design, stretched out on the floor.  Xander was bloody and beaten.  She sat down next to him looking for any signs of life.  Almost on instinct she'd found herself checking him for a pulse.

"Is he…is he dead?" Dawn asked from behind, her voice tight.

"I thought I told you to stay put," Buffy whispered harshly over her shoulder, never letting her eyes leave his face and her hand still searching his neck.  

"Buffy," Dawn started pleadingly, "just tell me, okay?"

"He's alive Dawn," Buffy answered, her voice louder and steadier as she finally found the pulse she'd been desperate for moments earlier. "But we have to get him to the hospital.  Fast."


	11. Seems Like Old Times

**Despair by SLynn**

**Chapter 11:  Seems Like Old Times**

He'd missed them.

"Bloody hell," Spike muttered as he overturned a chair.

Judging by the blood and sheer chaos of the place, it looked like it had been quite a fight.  Only one problem, there weren't any bodies.  After he'd been "set loose" he'd been told that there would be leftovers here for him.  They'd practically been promised to him, but now there was nothing.

The big problem was Spike's memory was fuzzy.  He remembered that Xander or Constance, who it was didn't matter, telling him Buffy would be at the Magic Shop and he definitely remembered the fight.  He also had recollections of telling Buffy where to find Dawn while tied up at her house, but nothing much after that.  His first solid memory was being back on the street and heading here with a vengeance.  He figured that "they" had something to do with it, but he couldn't be sure.  Constance must have gotten free by now.  He didn't know what she had planned to do with that cup she'd been so desperate for, but he didn't much care.  Set her loose, that was fine by him.  She was crazy, but Spike could handle crazy like no one else.

'Probably couldn't wait long enough for me to come back and kill that stupid sod,' he thought as he turned to leave the empty building, 'had to do it herself.'

Spike could relate.  He'd wanted to throttle Xander since day one.  Kind of shame, it looked like she'd beat him to it.

It didn't matter though.  He was certain of one thing.

Buffy was still alive.  And she was his.

Oh yeah, he'd been waiting a long time for this.

****

Joyce had been somewhat surprised to hear that Buffy was calling from the hospital.  Buffy explained as much as she could but was impatient for them to be there with her and Dawn.  She was growing tired of retelling lies to the hospital staff, let alone the police.  Funny how the police in Sunnydale always seemed to arrive and _help_ just after there was nothing left for them to do.

Her basic story was she and her sister was out for a walk when they'd heard a commotion in an abandoned building.  Going in to check it out, a move that was later criticized again and again by local police, they found a man lying inside badly beaten.  By coincidence it's their friend.  Immediately they called for an ambulance.  It was lame, but it the best Buffy could do on such short notice.  In typical fashion, no one seemed to notice that Dawn had rope burns on her wrists, but maybe they'd worked here so long they'd learned to overlook these things.

Not long after the call was made Joyce, Giles and Anya arrived.  Tara had stayed back to watch over Willow. 

Joyce immediately ran to her daughters and hugged them both.  Giles, giving them some much needed space, stood back a few feet to allow their mini family reunion some privacy.  Anya wasn't that shy.

"Where is he?" she blurted out.

"He's in surgery," Buffy said, her face a mask, "the doctors told me that he has some internal bleeding, but that he should be alright.  That, a fractured arm, and some broken ribs."

"Buffy, are you and Dawn alright?" Giles asked as he stepped closer.

"We're fine.  Dawn's got some pretty good burns on her arms, but nothing serious," Buffy responded, looking down.  

"But Xander's going to be alright?" Anya asked again, annoyed she'd been interrupted.  Obviously Buffy and Dawn were fine.  They were standing right there.  Xander was the one in surgery.

"Yes," Buffy said not looking her in the eyes, "he'll be fine."

"Good then," she replied walking away finally satisfied.

"Buffy," Giles said, pulling her gently aside, "_is that everything?"  
  
_

"Yes.  Constance got free somehow.  I don't know how, but she was definitely her old self."

"And you came across her as she was doing this to Xander then?"

"Not exactly," Buffy said, looking a way and walking down the hall a bit.

Giles, aware that whatever else she had to say she didn't want to in front of the others, walked a bit further with her until they were out of listening range.

"What happened?"

"I got there and saw Xander holding on to Dawn.  I thought it was still her Giles.  I thought she was still in his body.  I really did.  And I just lost it."

Buffy paused and let the words sink in.

"You did this?" he asked unbelievingly.

"No.  Not all of it, but enough.  If Constance hadn't of shown up Giles, I don't know what I would have done.  How far I would have gone."

"What happened when she did show up?" Giles asked, anxious to get Buffy past what was obviously painful to remember.

"She looked just the same, exactly the same.  She didn't say how she'd done it, how she managed to get her body back, but she did mention that Spike had helped her.  That and he was loose again.  Is that true?"

"Unfortunately, yes.  We've already done the counter-spell at your house.  We'll worry more about him later.  Constance is our concern right now.  What else did she say?"

"Not much really considering how much she talks.  She'd made a move towards Dawn and myself and that's when Xander tried to intervene.  She broke his arm by touching it Giles.  It was… it was scary."

Giles and Buffy both noticed the looks that were being cast there way from the other three and decided it was time to head back.

"Buffy," Joyce asked as soon as she was near enough, "has anyone called Xander's parents?"  
  


"We tried," Dawn answered.

"No one was home," Buffy finished.

"Ms. Summers?" a voice asked.

Buffy immediately recognized her as the doctor they'd seen upon arriving there.

"How is he Dr. Rodriguez?"

"Are you Mr. Harris' parents?" she asked, indicating Giles and Joyce.

"No," Giles said answering for the both, "they still haven't been reached."

"Maybe I should wait then," she hesitated, "I'm only _really allowed to speak with immediate family members in cases like this."_

"Cases like this?" Anya started, her voice rising in pitch.  "That can't be good.  You wouldn't say it like that if it was good."

Joyce, not really comfortable yet with Anya but less still with seeing her so upset, placed an arm around the girls shoulder to offer some show of support.

"Listen.  The truth is you'll be waiting all week if you want to speak with his _immediate family.  Xander's an adult.  __We are his family.  Just tell us how he is."_

Buffy's outburst had taken Dr. Rodriguez back a bit.  Giles and the others weren't too surprised.  They always knew her to speak her mind, but she'd never done so with such conviction.

"Alright," the doctor began slowly, it was obvious she wasn't use to be spoken to in that tone, "it's not good.  Your friend has sustained serious internal damage and we may have to remove one of his kidneys.  His right arm was shattered and he will never have full use of it again.  We believe he's suffered at least partial hearing loss in one, if not both of his ears and his vision may also be affected.  Additional tests will be needed, but at this time aren't possible since he's in a coma.  He's sustained serious head trauma.  The odds are about 40/60 for him to ever regain consciousness, and if he does, they stand at around 20/80 for him to have meaningful brain functions.  Right now he's in stable condition, which in his case means that he is basically alive.  We've done everything we can at this point.  All we can do now is wait.  I'm very sorry."

The doctor had finished and there was nothing left for anyone to say.

****

"Buffy?"

Darkness and silence.

"Buffy?"

For a moment, there was still nothing, and then slowly the door opened letting in just enough light.

"Willow, thank goodness," Tara gushed, "I was so worried.  Are you okay?"  
  


"Where's Buffy?  She should be back now."

Tara, growing worried that Willow still wasn't herself said nothing.

"We've got to go Tara.  We've got to go help."

Willow began to struggle with the covers, trying desperately to get out of the bed.

"No.  Honey, no.  You need to stay here.  Buffy is fine.  She's at the hospital.  There's nothing we can do right now."

"Hospital?"

Tara looked at her girlfriend, studied her.  She looked like herself again, but she still sounded different.

"Yes.  Buffy and Dawn took Xander to the hospital."  
  


"No," Willow said louder and began struggling harder to get up, "we've got to get him out of there Tara.  She'll kill him.  He'll be too easy to find there."  
  


"Willow, you're not making sense.  What's wrong?" Tara practically cried.

"I saw it," Willow answered, making an effort to sound more reasonable, "Constance showed it to me."

"Constance?  How?  She hasn't been here."  
  


"Yes she has.  She was here Tara.  Maybe not where you could see her, but she was here.  She showed me what she'd do to him.  What she _did_ to him.  We need to get to Xander, now."

"I don't know Willow.  I just don't think you're strong enough yet."  
  


"I have to be.  She came in my dreams, after the spell, the taint.  I can't say exactly how, but through images and _feelings, impressions, I knew what she'd done to him.  She gave him her memories.  Made him _think and feel_ like he's the one that's been doing all of this.  That's why we have to find him."_

"Willow," Tara said calmly, "Buffy and the others won't let him believe that.  They'll tell him the truth.  You need to rest."

"You don't understand," Willow said exasperated, "she messed up!"

"How?"

"Xander knows now.  He knows how she got free.  If we can figure that out we can figure out how to send her away again."

"Willow, I don't know…"

"Trust me Tara, please.  But we have to hurry.  It won't take long for her to figure it out too.  And when she does…"

"Okay, we go," Tara said with more resolve as she helped Willow from the bed, "but Willow, please just consider the fact that she may _want you to believe that.  She may have purposely showed you those things to make you do this.  She's done it before."_

"I know," Willow agreed, "but I have to Tara.  He's my best friend and it's our only shot."

Tara just nodded in agreement and continued helping her get ready.

"It's all we can do."


	12. Dance with the Devil

**Despair by SLynn**

**Chapter 12:  Dance with the Devil**

  
Willow and Tara's news had been heartening at first, but then reality sunk in.  Xander wasn't likely to wake up anytime soon and fill them in on any missing details.  So they continued to sit and wait.  They still hadn't been allowed in to see him.  Joyce had decided an hour earlier to take Dawn home, very much against her will.  It was getting late and they all needed their rest.  The day had been inexplicably long, and now it finally seemed to be ending.  Mostly they just sat in silence and waited.

Finally around 5am and just before sunrise, Dr. Rodriguez came back.

They all looked at her expectantly, waiting for her to begin.

"Sorry for the delays.  After our last talk Mr. Harris' condition spiraled downward.  Additional internal bleeding occurred and we were forced to operate again.  Since leaving the operating room, his condition has vastly improved.  We are much more confident in his stability right now and he's been placed in his own room."

"He's alright now?" Willow asked hesitantly.

"Yes, in fact we've pretty much reversed our first diagnosis.  You have to understand, several doctors have been working on him, and no one can account for this sudden reversal.  We still don't expect him to wake anytime soon, but his vital signs are much stronger.  It's amazing really.  No one here has ever seen anything like it.  We are really all inclined to believe he might make a full recovery.  If you'd like, I can take you to his room."

"Yes, please." Giles said, nodding his head and then following the woman down the hall.

"Ms. Summers' probably doesn't need this, but I should warn the rest of you, his appearance is shocking.  You need to prepare yourself for that.  Despite what I've just told you, he likely doesn't resemble the person you know right now."

Dr. Rodriguez stopped in front of a door.

"I can only suggest you talk to him as you normally would, that usually helps.  If there is anything you need, please buzz one of nurses or have me paged.  I'm on duty for another three hours."

"Thank you," Giles said.

Buffy, wasting no time, opened the door.  The first thing she saw was Xander.  He was lying so still and looked so pale.  He just looked old and tired.

They all came inside and gathered around his bed, staring in disbelief.

It couldn't really be him.  It just couldn't.  He was bruised and in places swollen.  His skins overall pigment could only be described as pasty.  He lay there hooked to several machines, to monitor his heart rate, is breathing, and anything else they could possibly monitor.  He looked like death.

"What took you so long?" they heard Constance ask from behind them.  She had been sitting the in the corner for who knows how long.  "Xander and I were just having a nice chat.  He'll be awake soon, I took care of that."

They all turned to her dumbfounded.

"Don't everyone thank me at once."

"Why should anyone thank you," Anya hurled at her, "you did this to him."

"I didn't do all of it, did I Buffy?"

Anya turned to her accusingly, but remained quiet.

"Why are you helping now?" was all Buffy could ask.

"For a few reasons," Constance said moving towards where Xander lay walking casually between them, "one, that I'm starting to like him.  He's special to me."

Constance purposely ran her hand across his face, letting it finally rest on his head, almost as if she was playing with his hair.

"You get away from him," Willow said through clenched teeth taking a few steps closer.

"Now, now," Constance said unaffected and unmoving, "you don't want to do anything rash.  I've been kind so far.  More then kind, generous.  I could kill him right now before you could even get one step closer.  Ask the slayer.  She saw how I broke his arm and she knows more about what I can do then the rest of you.  It could be much, much worse."

"Willow," Buffy said, her eyes full of warning, "just back up."

"Well Buffy, looks like you are learning."

"You didn't finish."

"Why am I helping?  I'm helping because I need something from you.  I want to make a deal."

****

It was all darkness and pain.  Endless pain.  At times he felt like his body was on fire and at other times it felt cold as ice.  He was sleeping and couldn't wake.  Stuck in a horrible nightmare.

This must be hell.

All he could do was relive the moments that brought him here.  Over and over they played in his head.

Buffy.

He saw her face twisted in anger.  Lashing out at him again and again.  Her eyes were filled with hate, and he couldn't live with that.

This is what happens to betrayers.  This is where they end up.  It has to be.  It couldn't be worse then this.

Watching again and again as she lost faith in him; watching her realize what he'd done again and again was worse then death.

When it wasn't the visions, it was the hands.  He could feel them on him and their touch was like a millions of knives stabbing into him at once.  We wanted to scream out in pain but didn't know how.

  
He'd felt himself being ripped open.  He couldn't see, but he could feel.

Hands were there, all over him, pushing and prodding.  Moving him this way and that, shoving at him like knives.

When it ended the room grew cold.  He grew cold again.

Still unable to move or wake, he knew Constance was close again.  Her presence was like a beacon, drawing him closer to something he didn't want to become.

She was doing something to him.  Making it better to spite him.  That was the worst of it.  He'd rather be subjected again and again to a million tortures then have her help and she knew it.

Her touch felt different then the others.  It wasn't like knives, just steel.  Cold and hard.  She kept touching him, it was almost soothing compared to the other ones, but he knew better.  Her touch didn't hurt him physically, but emotionally it was killing him.  She was waiting for something, and she had a lot of patience.

He just wanted her to go, to leave him.

After all, this is what he deserved.

****

Buffy couldn't believe what she was hearing.  Constance wanted help.  Okay, she was really demanding help, but still.  This could be good.  This could be what they were looking for.

"What do you have in mind?" Buffy asked, her eyes never faltering.

"Well, nothing that involves you, that's for sure."

The tension in the room was high.  Oppressive.

"Then what?"

"Buffy," Giles started to intercede.

"No one is talking to you _watcher," Constance smirked, "your time is soon.  I need the help of your friends.  There's a ritual I need performed, and it's one I can't do alone.  The witches should be able to handle it, but they'll need help gathering supplies and all of that good stuff."_

"What kind of ritual?" Willow asked.

"A grounding ritual," she said, turning to her.  "You've heard of that before, right?"

"You want to be linked to something?" Tara quietly asked, more to herself then to anyone around her.

"Yes, as a matter of fact, I do.  I need to be linked to something.  I like it here in this dimension, and I want to stay."

"Why would we help you do that?"  Giles had decided for himself that it _was his turn to ask questions, "If you really do need a grounding ritual, it sounds like you need us more then you should.  We could just say no."_

"Oh, you don't want to do that.  You really don't want to do that.  It would be very bad for you.  Very bad."

Constance paused, she loved drama.

"But it is your decision and if you decide you don't want to help me he'll die," she said calmly, still stroking Xander's hair, "and it won't be quick.  It'll be slow and painful.  In fact, it's already happening.  I've spelled him; something you might have heard of called the Furies Poison."

Anya and Giles looked visible shaken.  It was obvious _they didn't need any further explanation or incentive._

"I thought you said he'd wake soon, that you'd helped him," Buffy said.

"I did help him.  I fixed his bleeding and other injuries, except the arm.  I couldn't do much for that without making too many waves here.  It's not the world's greatest hospital, but people will talk if a scattered arm is cured over night.  We don't want publicity, do we?  And he will wake up, you'll see."

"What does this poison do?" Willow asked, no longer able to stand not knowing.

"I'm so glad you asked," Constance smiled, all the while still touching Xander's head, "like I said, it's slow.  Very slow.  He'll wake and everything will seem alright at first, but it won't be.  It'll drain the life from him.  Sometimes it takes months, sometimes it takes years.  He'll weaken physically and emotionally till it takes complete control over him.  Those Greeks weren't just writing fairy tales you know.  The Furies were some evil women.  This is the greatest thing they ever made because it doesn't really kill the victim.  Most victims kill themselves long before they get to the point where they are weakened completely.  Makes them delusional and paranoid.  It's not pretty.  You won't be able to stop it and you can't reverse it.  Only the person that inflicts the wound can cure it, and that's me.  Anya, you know a lot about it, don't you?"

The room, excepting Giles and Buffy, turned to look at her.  She just nodded her head and didn't look up, as if she was remembering something painful.

"So we help you and you lift this curse," Buffy stated more then asked, "How can we believe you?"

"Buffy, I may be evil and heartless, but I am not a liar.  Have I lied to you yet?"

"No, but you have an uncanny knack for not telling the whole truth."

"If you want, I can just let you see the effects of the poison for a few weeks first.  Give you time to think about it."

"No," Giles said quickly, "absolutely not.  You know very well by then it will be too late for him."

"Someone's done there homework," Constance smiled, and then turning to Buffy continued, "See, this is why you have a watcher.  He knows about these things."

Buffy looked at Giles expectantly.

"Each poisoning is different, but once it takes over his mind, even if she reversed it, it would do no good.  He'd be lost.  It would end in suicide or homicide, or worse.  She needs to cure him immediately for it to have any benefit."

"You heard him.  Are you in?"

"What do we have to do?"  
  


"Like I said, you Buffy do nothing.  The witches and the watcher go back to that shop of his and gather the ingredients.  I expect to be ready to begin by sundown, no later.  The former demon slash girlfriend can help, but that's it."

Constance finally walked away from the bed and moved to the center of the room.

"I want you no where near the place," she said, pointing to Buffy, "I mean it.  In fact, I don't want you to leave this room.  Take one step outside that door and I kill them all in the most bloody, horrific way I can think of, and I have a vivid imagination.  And not just your little Scooby pals, your mom, your sister, everyone you've ever crossed paths with.  And _then I'll kill you._

"We do this and you cure him, completely," Buffy demanded more then asked, "I mean it.  Completely.  And then you leave him alone."

Constance smiled at her.

"Chivalry must be contagious.  I agree.  You do this _and_ succeed and I'll mend him up good as new and promise to leave him alone from now on."

She walked towards the door and abruptly stopping, turned back to face them.

"I'll do you one better.  I'll even leave town.  Hellmouths are overrated.  If this is done right, I'd owe you at least that.  So what do you say, do we have a deal?"

They all looked at each other expectantly, not sure if they should talk it over or what, but not Buffy.  She just continued to watch Constance in the same way she had since they'd found her there.

"We do."


	13. Facts

**Despair by SLynn**

**_Notes:  _**Okay, this story is already a lot longer then I thought it would be, but it's really starting to have a life of its own.  Thanks again for all of the reviews!

**_Warning:  _**It's someone's time to go.  I'm sorry, it just kind of happened.  Don't hate me, at least I warned you.

**Chapter 13:  Facts**

  
Willow and Tara poured through books on grounding spells while Giles and Anya shifted through the mess that had become the Magic Shop.  Constance had been explicit on the type and purpose of the spell; all they really had to do was set it up and perform it.

Anya had been unusually quiet the entire time.  She just cleaned and stacked items.  Occasionally she would go over the list of needed items and place something new on the counter for the spell, but she did no more then that.

Giles thought he had an idea what was bothering her, but now was not the time to go over it.  Willow and Tara researched and practiced in the back room, after having cleaned it up some.  They wanted to be certain nothing went wrong.  The concept of the ritual was simple enough, but the language, the very specific wording needed was complex.

"Giles," Anya asked, coming over to where he'd been trying hopelessly to sort herbs back into their respective jars.  "You know, during this ritual Constance is going to be incapacitated.  She'll be completely vulnerable."

"Yes, I know how they're done," Giles responded, not bothering to look up from his task.

"If we were going to do something to her, it would be the perfect time."

Giles stopped and looked up at her in disbelief.

"I'm just saying, it'll probably be our only chance to get rid of her for good."

"I can't believe… do you know what you're saying?"

"Giles, I know what I'm saying.  I just don't think Buffy really thought this through before agreeing for _all_ of us."

"You've seen a 'Furies' death before.  You know what that's like.  Do you really think you could sit by and watch that happen?  To Xander?" Giles voice had become louder then he intended, causing Willow and Tara to look up at the both of them.

"I don't like it either," Anya said, purposely lowering her voice to a near whisper, "but lets be honest.  Constance isn't _going anywhere after this is done.  I doubt she'll even lift the curse.  We need to be thinking about the big picture here."_

Giles stood up and walked away shaking his head.

"Anya, he's innocent in this.  We can't just throw him out as the sacrificial lamb, I'm sorry, we can't.  In this case if its one death versus a hundred, we'll have to take the hundred."

"That's absurd and you know it," Anya called out.  Willow and Tara were now actively watching the debate.  "What if it's not one versus a hundred?  What if it's a thousand?  Or a hundred-thousand?  Then what?"

"You're not one to lecture me on humanity.  You were a vengeance demon for twice as long as Constance has been alive.  You've probably killed more...."

"I've changed…"

"You were forced to change."

The two glared at each other, neither backing down.  Willow and Tara were unable to intercede.  They wouldn't know what to say.

"We're doing the ritual."

"Then you're making a mistake."

"You _don't_ have to be here."  
  


"Fine," she said coldly, taking one last look around, "but I warned you."

Without saying another word, she left.

For several minutes, no one said or did anything.

"We should get back to work," Giles finally said breaking the tension.

Willow and Tara just nodded and continued where they had left off.

****

  
Buffy had no problem convincing the hospital that she needed to stay with Xander for the day.  Apparently her little run-in with Dr. Rodriguez was becoming a thing of legend.  No one was going to bother her.

She did however have a few problems.  She had no fresh clothes and no food.  And as much as she had become feared by the nurses in general, she doubted any of them would be fetching things for her.  Even though there was a phone in Xander's room, after several attempts at getting an outside line, Buffy gave it up as hopeless.

Her mom solved both problems for her by not only bringing a change of clothes but by providing an early lunch.  Joyce had brought Dawn down at the girl's insistence.  After a quick shower in the adjoining bathroom, Buffy sat down to fill them in on everything they'd missed.

"So, are you like trapped here?  Is some kind of force field or something going to stop you if you tried to leave?" Dawn asked.

"No.  Well, I don't know, but I doubt it.  I'm not going to try."

"Xander is looking better," Joyce said, trying to change the subject.

"Yeah, he's not entirely purple anymore."

"He's getting better," Buffy said quietly, "the nurses said his blood pressure and pulse are back to normal.  He's even been moving some."

"Good," Joyce said with a smile on her face, "any idea when he might wake up?"

"No, but I don't think the two of you should wait around for that."  
  
Joyce gave her daughter a skeptical look.

"Why not?" Dawn said defensively, "He's my friend too."

"It's not that Dawn.  I just can't be sure if Constance will come back.  I don't want either of you here if she does, that's all."

Joyce nodded in agreement.

"No, that's not fair," Dawn continued, she was nearly ready to cry.  "He was trying to help me Buffy.  I should be here.  I don't want him thinking I'm mad at him, and if I'm not here when he wakes up, he will."

Joyce took her youngest up in an embrace.

"He won't think that," Buffy said reassuringly rubbing her arm, "I won't let him."

Reluctantly and after much persuasion, Dawn agreed and not too long after that Joyce and she said their goodbyes.

Buffy, with nothing else to do, sat and waited.

****

Spike had been all over the stupid town looking for Buffy the night before and ended up empty handed.  Usually he couldn't get two steps outside his crypt without that slayer being all up in his business, but when he wanted to find her it was like she'd fell off the planet.

Tonight he'd find her.  Tonight would be the night.  It was better this way.  Now he was rested.

He sat and watched his soaps and tried not to think about it.  No need getting all worked up so soon.  There would be plenty of time after the sunset.

The door opening from behind caught his attention.  Then again, maybe he wouldn't have to wait.  A smile curled on his lips.

"Hello love," he said, turning around.  

It wasn't Buffy.  Taking a good look at her, he didn't know who she was.

"Take a wrong turn somewhere?"  
  


"Not exactly," the voice purred at him.

"Do I know you?"

"Spike, I'm shocked.  Sure, I may look different, but I still thought you'd be able to recognize me."

It suddenly dawned on him who this was.  This was Constance.

"What do want then?" he said, his voice a bit defensive.

"I know I said you wouldn't be seeing me again, but you haven't exactly been living up to your end of our agreement either."

"I don't know…"  
  


"The slayer," she said, her face growing cold, "she's still alive Spike.  I don't like that.  You said you'd take care of her.  I promised her to you, practically gift-wrapped her for you, and still nothing."

"She's the god damn slayer, not just another…"

He was cut short and found himself gasping.  His throat was tight, a feeling he'd grown accustomed to.

"I'm not here to listen to your excuses.  I've come to let you know that she's no longer your concern."

"No," Spike managed to get out.

"Oh, yes.  I'm taking care of her now.  You're off the case."

Spike said nothing, he couldn't, but he did get off one of his better glares.

"There's something you never understood about the hunt.  While it's easy to just track and kill your prey, it's much more entertaining to watch them squirm.  Tear them down.  See what you can reduce them too.  In a lot of ways it's much more satisfying.  Angelus understood that.  So did Drusilla.  But you, you've always been more interested in the kill.  Never took the time to enjoy the game.  That's what makes you average Spike.  It makes you weak.  And it's why no ones going to remember you when your gone."

Constance walked over to where he was, incapacitated and on his knees.  She wrapped her hand around his throat and deliberately brought him up to meet her eye to eye.

"Maybe now you understand.  See what I've done to you.  If I'd asked you to, you'd beg for your life.  Wouldn't you?"

She didn't wait for an answer, just continued to apply pressure to his throat.  It felt as if his whole body was vibrating.

"Sorry it has to be like this, but I can't afford to keep you around anymore.  You've become a liability.  You see, I knew you'd never kill the slayer.  She's better then you.  And because of that, maybe after she'd kicked your ass a few more times, you'd start to talk.  You'd try to get out of this the only way you'd know how, by selling me out."

He tried to protest, but couldn't.  Her grip was ever tightening, bones were beginning to break.  

"You know too much Spike.  It's time to go.  Be sure to write me from hell."

With that, she clenched her hand into a fist, effectively decapitating and dusting the vampire.  Without a second thought, she wiped his remains from her clothes and left.

****

It was just after noon when Buffy noticed the first signs of Xander regaining consciousness.  She didn't want to inundate him with questions or information, so she just sat back and gave him some space.

To her it seemed as if he was waking from a bad dream.  After some considerable time tossing back and forth he opened his eyes.

At first, he just stared straight ahead.  He looked lost.

"Xander," she said quietly, but got no response.

"Xander," she repeated a bit louder, "are you alright?"  
  


He looked at her as if she were foreign to him.

"What are you doing here?"

"Hello to you too," she said with a half smile.

"Buffy why are you here?" he asked, ignoring her last comment entirely.  He still looked dazed.

"I'm waiting for you to wake up.  Do you remember what happened?"  
  


"How could I forget," he said looking down, across the room, anywhere but directly at her.

"None of that was your fault," she said, as if she could read his mind, "If anything I'm to blame.  I should have come clean with Giles about what happened."

"It doesn't matter.  The same thing would have happened.  She had me almost from the time we left, I just didn't know it until it was too late."

Buffy sat quietly and listened.

"Why didn't she just kill me?" he wondered out loud.

"Because she needed us to help her with a spell.  She said she'd fix you after it was complete.  Some kind of binding spell."

"Grounding," Xander said with some authority, "A grounding spell.  She can't stay in this plane without it."

"How do you know that?" Buffy asked, shock in her voice.

"I was there.  I was with her the whole time.  She made me relive it."

He paused as if regaining his composure.

"She did a ritual using the 'Cup of Aeacus' to return her to her true form.  Something to do with the three judges of the afterlife, that parts kind of fuzzy.  But it's only temporary.  She has only 72 hours to either be bound to this dimension or be sent back to where she'd come from."

"It doesn't matter now.  Giles and the others are doing the spell.  It's the only way Constance will cure you."

"Buffy, no.  They can't.  You can't let them.  This is your _only chance to get rid of her forever.  Don't you see that?"_

"Xander, she poisoned you and she's the only one who can undo it.  You will die if she doesn't."

"Listen to me…"

"No, you listen to me.  We'll deal with her another time.  That's not important right now.  You're what's important.  I can't just watch you die.  Do you understand that?  This is the only way to make her undo what she did."

Buffy was nearly crying now.  Xander couldn't watch.

"Buffy, you're wrong," he said barely above whisper, "she's already undid it."

"What?" Buffy asked all astonishment.

"She's already lifted the curse; she did it while she was making the deal with you here, in this room.  But it doesn't matter.  I know what's happening.  It's been happening for weeks.  She showed me."

"Xander, your not making any sense.  If she lifted the spell, poison, whatever, why…"

"The poison, the 'Furies poison'," Xander interrupted, "she did that to me when she had me at the high school.  It didn't matter if or when she undid it.  It's already too late."


	14. Finally, A Plan

**Despair by SLynn**

**_Notes:  _**The story is finally starting to wrap.  Estimate another chapter or two for completion.  Again, thanks for all of the great reviews!

**Chapter 14:  Finally, a Plan**

Buffy had been pacing the room ever since Xander had told her the truth about the poisoning.  She was in shock, to much so to speak.

"Buffy, please," Xander said, trying to lighten the mood, "you're making me nauseous.  It's like watching a tennis match but without the benefit of short skirts."

"It just can't be right," Buffy said ignoring him and shaking her head, continuing her path across the room.

"I wish it wasn't," Xander said quietly.

"Do you feel sick?  I mean is it like… how do you know it's too late, that she lifted it?  That she really even placed it on you that long ago?"  
  


"I just do.  I mean, I felt different since the incident, but I didn't know why.  Then Constance made sure I knew.  She gave me all her memories after she got her body back.  _You've seen her do that before, she gets off on rubbing salt in the wound."_

Neither of them spoke for a minute or two.  Buffy new that was true, she could still feel Xander's memories.

"I shouldn't have closed up like I did after the fact.  I know that now.  I just, I couldn't do it.  I already felt like a disappointment, like I'd let you all down."

"Nobody thinks that Xander.  We would have helped."  
  


"At the time I didn't know what it was Buffy.  I just thought, with everything that happened, it was you know, suppose to feel like that.  And then I started hearing her in my head and it all fell apart.  I fell apart.  I'm sorry."

Buffy finally sat down and nodded her head.

"This is my fault.  I should have asked for help.  I was just tired of always having to be bailed out Buff.  I thought I could handle it."

"We shouldn't be doing this, not now.  Constance is the only one to blame here," Buffy said decidedly, "she did this Xander, not you."

Xander just looked away and stayed quiet.

"Buffy, there's still time to stop this.  Stop the ritual.  She's lifted the poison, maybe Giles and Willow can figure something out for me later.  Right now, Constance has to be what we're worried about."

Buffy thought it over.  She didn't want to do this.  Part of her felt that if they tried anything now Constance would catch wind of it and things would only be worse.  That and she didn't want to believe what Xander was saying was true.  Not that she wouldn't put it past Constance, it sounded like exactly something she would do, but it felt wrong somehow.  What was really making her uneasy was remembering the looks on Giles and Anya's faces when Constance first said 'Furies Poison'.  She could count the number of times she'd seen sheer terror cross the watcher's face a hand, and unfortunately this was one of them.  She didn't want to watch Xander go through whatever it was that had them both so afraid.  She didn't think she could.  But now it seemed she didn't have a choice.  There was only one option left.

"I'll call Giles."

****

Tara and Willow had been surprised at Giles' sudden departure.  Things in the shop were much more put together and they were nearly complete with their preparations.  It was just about 3:30pm and Constance would likely be there in another hour and a half. 

"Where do you think he went?" Tara asked, knowing Willow wanted to talk about it but couldn't bring herself to begin the conversation.  They both knew it had to be Buffy on the line, but why was the big question.

"Probably to the hospital," Willow said her voice a bit tight.

"I'm sure he's fine."

"He'd better be," Willow said, not looking up from the designs she and Tara had begun to draw in the center of the room, "because if he isn't Constance is going to get more then a grounding ritual."

Tara didn't look up.  She didn't like the tone of Willow's voice.  She sounded mean, and it just wasn't her.

"Do you believe her?  Maybe Anya was right, Constance might just not undo it.  She might stay and do something worse.  What then?"

"Giles and Buffy want to take her at her word," Willow answered her voice still containing that edge to it, "which means for now we do that.  If she doesn't, then _I'll take care of it."_

"Willow…" Tara started.

"I know what I'm doing."

"No, I don't think you do.  Constance is much stronger then anyone we've ever seen, then you've ever seen.  I don't want you doing anything rash."

"It won't be rash.  It'll be well thought out and exacted revenge."

"Willow, please be serious."

"I am.  I'm being very serious.  Constance had just better stick to her word."

Tara said nothing.  She was terrified, but it wasn't of just of Constance any more.

****

"You're positive?  Nearly two weeks ago?" Giles asked for the third time.

Xander was too tired to answer.  He'd told the story, one that prominently featured his own untimely demise, too many times now.

"Giles, what should we do?" Buffy asked getting to the point.

"I'm not sure."

"You're not sure?" Buffy asked in disbelief, "How about _not doing the ritual?  That way, if I don't kill her, she'll still be transported to whatever hell dimension will take her in two days tops."  
  
_

"Oh no, sorry, not about that.  I meant I wasn't sure about what we can do about..." Giles trailed off, after he indicated Xander with his hands.  He hadn't meant to say that much out loud.  He wasn't sure there _was anything they could do for him._

"Well, that too," Buffy said quietly, "but we need to figure out what we're going to do about her now."

"You let me take care of that.  I know what we're going to do."

"What?  Come on, let me know.  I'm stuck here as it is…"

"Remember me?  I am still right here you guys," Xander said tired of being gestured at and ignored.

"I didn't mean it like that," Buffy back peddled, "I just meant I'd rather be out there doing something, preferably _to her."_

"No Buffy, the less you know the better.  Same with Willow and Tara.  I'll take care of this myself."

Buffy and Xander nodded their agreement, aware they no longer had a say in things.

"I'd better get back.  Constance will arrive soon and I need to prepare a few things before then."

"Good luck," Buffy called after him.

Giles tilted his head once in her direction to acknowledge her comment and then left.

"Think he'll pull it off?" Xander asked after a pause.

"He will," Buffy answered with no doubt in her voice.

"I hope so."

****

Giles explained nothing about his absence to either Willow or Tara.  He didn't want to risk Constance arriving and overhearing anything.  He also did his best to not think about his plan, which proved more difficult.  From what Buffy and Xander had told him about Constance he was fairly certain she could read thoughts.  He didn't know how strong her skill was in this area.

Tara was having a harder time controlling her thoughts.  She kept replaying the conversation between herself and Willow over and over.   She'd never imagined Willow could be so calculating and cold.  It didn't seem natural for her, but then again she really hadn't known her all that long.  Maybe this was just a side of Willow she hadn't seen before.  It wasn't a comforting thought.

Willow, for her part, was ready.  She'd done everything she could to be ready.  She knew she could do this ritual flawlessly, that she had to but she didn't like it.  She wanted Constance to hurt.  She wanted her to feel all of the pain she'd inflicted on herself and her friends a hundred fold, but she knew she wouldn't do that.  Not now anyways.  Xander was too important to her to be risking his life for petty revenge.  Willow knew she'd have her chance.  It wouldn't be tonight, but it would be soon. 

Constance arrived right at sundown, 5:18pm on the dot.

"Are we ready?" she asked, smiling at the three of them.

"Whenever you are," Willow said with great effort.  Tara just stepped back and nodded.  Giles neither moved nor replied.

"You'll need this," she said, producing a silver chalice, "it's the Cup of Aeacus.  Rather beautiful, isn't it?  Men have died trying to figure out its power.  Funny thing is, it doesn't really have any.  It's more of a channeling instrument.  You have to already possess power in order for the cup to really be of use." 

"This is how you got back then?" Giles asked, knowing full well it was.  Xander had told him the story at the hospital, but Constance couldn't know that.

"Yes," she said, giving him a shrewd look, "it is.  Amazing thing really.  Judge of the dead and all.  Have you heard of it before?"

"I believe I've seen it mentioned in a book or two," Giles said, trying to be as vague as possible.

She seemed to have lost interest in the subject and said no more.  Placing the intricately carved piece on the counter, she made her way to the center of the circle accompanied by designs drawn on the floor.

"Let's begin.  I'm anxious to be whole again, and I'm sure you are all anxious for me to cure Xander.  The sooner we do this the better, for everyone."

Just as Tara and Willow sat down in their designated positions, Constance's look changed.

"Wait," she snapped, "where's the demon?"  
  


They all exchanged looks, not sure what she was talking about at first.

"Anya?" Willow asked.

"Yes, the demon.  Where is she?  Why isn't she here with the rest of you?  She was helping."  
  


"Not anymore," Giles provided, "she had differing views on how the ritual should be performed."  He silently added, 'Anya wanted to destroy you.'

Constance stared at him and nodded in agreement, at ease again.

He knew now.  She could only read thoughts when they were directed at her.  As far as telepathy goes, it was an easy trick.  She wasn't so strong after all.

"Fine then," Constance said, her usual air of arrogance returning, "Let's get this thing started."

****


	15. Sacrifice

**Despair by SLynn**

**Chapter 15:  Sacrifice**

The ritual had begun.  Constance, for her part, kept quiet and did as instructed.  They all knew that she would be well-read on the subject and was likely only to speak out if anyone strayed from the script.  

The ritual was performed in a three step process.  For the first part, the initial chanting and channeling of energies, she would be perfectly coherent.  The second part would have her awake yet in a stasis of sorts.  She'd be able to hear and see them, but only that.  The ritual would temporarily bind her to the spot she stood on.  But the last and most important part, the one where they would actually ground her to this dimension, was the one Giles was waiting for.  In it, for roughly half a minute, she'd be completely unconscious and powerless.  It would be his only chance to alter the ritual.  After that there would be no going back.

So Giles waited patiently for his chance.  Willow and Tara weren't speeding through the incantation, but they weren't exactly taking they're time either.  They were his only concern right now.  Willow may resist Giles attempts to intervene.  He wouldn't have time to explain it to them, but hoped they'd just trust him on this.

Lights began to dance around the room and encircled Constance.  That was the sign that the second phase had begun.  It was the longest part and could take hours.  He hoped it wouldn't, but there was no telling.

Silently he fingered the talisman he'd placed in his pocket before Constance's arrival back at the shop.  This was going to be their only chance.

****

Xander didn't look good.  His breathing had become labored and his skin tone was seemingly fading before Buffy's eyes.

Neither of them had spoken since sundown, they knew now that they could only wait.

"It's getting closer," Xander said, his voice barely audible.

"Are you okay?"

"I will be," Xander nodded.

"Good," Buffy replied.

There was an awkward pause.

"Buffy, none of this is your fault.  I know you think it is and I know Constance has made you think that, but it isn't.  You have to believe that."

"I will, if you will," she said half seriously, half jokingly.

Xander just kind of looked away.

"No really," Buffy said, "I'll stop if you will, but only then.  Xander you haven't done anything wrong either."

"I just hope you'll all forgive me once this is over."

"There's nothing to forgive Xander.  Really.  It could have been any one of us.  Would you be demanding apologizes from Willow if she'd been Constance's target?  Or Tara? Or me?"

"Buffy…" he started as if to say it wasn't the same.

"No, I'm not hearing arguments now.  You wouldn't expect one because _you'd know we weren't to blame.  Just like we know your not."_

"Okay," he said half-heartedly.

"No, not okay.  It's done.  Now stop…" 

Buffy stopped cold when she saw his expression change.  He looked pained.

"Xander?" she called out.

He held up a hand to try and indicate he was fine, but he looked anything but.

"Should I call a nurse?"

Xander shook his head forcefully and continued to motion to her to wait.  After another minute whatever had happened seemed to have passed.

"What was that?  What happened?"  
  


"It's the ritual.  They're getting ready to complete it," he gasped out between breaths, "Giles will have to do something soon."

Buffy didn't understand how he could be so certain.  Was he still so connected to Constance that he could tell what was happening?  And if he was, what would putting Constance into a hell dimension do to Xander?

"Don't worry Buffy," Xander said looking over at her, "I'll be fine.  Once she's gone I won't be able to feel her anymore."

Buffy looked at him dumfounded.

'Did he just…'

She quickly let the thought die as Xander turned away from her.

Something was wrong here, Buffy didn't know what it was but she could feel it.  Something was definitely wrong.  Even worse, it was too late to fix it.

****

Giles watched Constance as she began to slip into unconsciousness.  The ritual was nearly over.  The woman was floating about half a foot off the ground with yellow lights closely encircling her.

Just as her eyes slid shut, Giles jumped from the spot he'd been observing.

"What are you doing?" Tara asked with concern written clearly on her face.

"You'll have to trust me," was all the man said as he hurriedly wiped a few symbols on the floor clean and traced out new ones.

"Giles," Willow's voice boomed, "you'll change the ritual.  Stop it."

Neither Willow nor Tara could move from they're spots without breaking the trance.

"Willow, just keep doing what you're doing.  We've been lied to, but for the last time."

"What about Xander?" Willow asked.

"Not now, later.  We'll talk later."

Giles quickly took the talisman out of his pocket and placed it over one of the new symbols he'd arranged.  Just as he stepped back Constance's eyes flew open.  Clearly, she knew what had happened.

"What have you done?" she screamed.  Her voice rattled the windows and knocked several jars and books from their perches.  She was struggling to move, but couldn't.

"Nothing you didn't deserve," Giles responded coldly.

"You would all really sacrifice him?  Throw him away like this?  He really _doesn't_ mean anything to any of you."

Willow and Tara, still stationed in their appointed spots and continuing the ritual, exchanged glances.  They were as shocked as Constance but could say nothing.

"No Constance, no.  I wouldn't do this, not if I was given another choice.  But you forgot that Xander has his and your memories back now.  He knows that you did the spell back at the school.  He also knows that it's too late for him now, even if you lifted it.  He's the one who made this choice, not me."

Willow's eyes filled with rage.  Tara just looked stricken.  Neither of them wanted to believe it.

But Constance, Constance's eyes filled with a light.  And then she laughed.

"He told you that?"

Giles made no answer.

"Well, I guess I underestimated him.  I'm almost proud.  He lied to you, to all of you.  And you fell for it.  I didn't think he had it in him."

"It won't work Constance, whatever you have to say save it for another audience."

"Don't believe me, that's fine, but I'm telling the truth.  He tricked you into doing this.  Into sending me away, can't blame him really," she paused and then began again quickly, "None of you stopped to ask when I'd done it, you just assumed.  _I poisoned him at the hospital.  Right in front of all of you, right under your noses.  It was easy to do, but obviously you're all way too easy to fool."_

Constance continued to laugh.  Giles remained quiet in contemplation.

"Doesn't matter now," Constance said, the smile still planted on her face, "where ever you send me, I'll be back.  I'll be back to make you pay for not keeping your end of the deal."

The lights began to swirl around her faster and faster.  There was no way out now.

"You've done nothing but buy time," she yelled, "You'll see."

The lights began to strike her now, one after another, until she seemed filled by them.  Then all the air in the room rushed towards her and then twice as fast pushed away, knocking the three of them over.  

Constance was gone.

"Are you both alright?" Giles asked standing and surveying the room.

"I'm fine," Tara said quietly.

"Is it true," Willow asked ignoring his question, "did she really put the spell on him so far back?"

Giles said nothing for a minute, put just paced the room.  

"I'm not sure anymore."

****

"It's over."

Buffy looked over at Xander.  He was so still.  She hadn't even been sure it had been him that had said it.

"You should go Buffy, you can now.  She's gone."

He sounded lost.  Buffy wasn't sure what to do.

"Xand…" she said quietly.

"Go."  His voice was hard.

"But…"  
  


"Just go.  I don't want you here anymore."

The whole time he spoke he just stared at the wall in front of him.

"I'll be back later," Buffy said as she stood to leave.  

She had to find Giles.  She had to know what had gone wrong.  Xander would be fine here.  At least here he'd be safe.

"It doesn't matter."

Buffy left without saying another word.  That feeling of dread began to creep back into her stomach, but she quickly squashed it.

'Everything is going to be fine,' she told herself, 'it has to be.'  

Xander continued to lay there for a minute more and then once he was certain she wasn't come back, he sat up.  Deliberately but with little real care he took the I.V.'s from his arm and placed them to the side.  As quickly as he could manage he dressed himself.  Between his broken arm and his degraded breathing, it took much longer then usual, but he was persistent.  When he was finished he sat back against the wall to regain his strength.  

He felt exhausted and wasn't sure how he'd make it out of there, but he knew that he would.  For a moment he debated with himself whether or not he should leave a note, but decided against it.  Constance had already told them so it didn't really matter.

Finally, after having rested, he stood and went to the door.  Leaving was easier then he thought it would be.  No one was watching, no one was standing guard, so he just walked out the front doors and into the night.  

Only one thought was in his head the entire time.

'I deserve this.'

****


	16. Details

**Despair by SLynn**

**Notes:  **Okay, never really expected this last chapter to take so long, somehow life got in the way.  It happens.  Again, sorry for the delay.  Here it is _the_ last chapter.

********

**Chapter 16:  Details**

Something like instinct had held Buffy back.  When she'd left Xander in his room she had every intention of rushing to Giles for advice.  Once out the door though she had a change of heart.  Instead she called him from the lobby.  What he had to tell her didn't sit well.

So she waited.

For more then fifteen minutes she sat in the lobby hoping feverishly that what she thought would happen wouldn't.  But it did.

As discretely as she could she watched it happen, still not wanting it to be true.  But the act itself confirmed what Giles had only hinted at.

Buffy sat quietly and watched from her peripheral vision as he got off the elevator and walked out right out the front door and into the night.

It was true.  As much as she didn't want to believe it, it was the only explanation.  

Xander Harris had lied to them.

****

Giles had been quiet since Buffy's call.  Really, really quiet.  Tara could take that.  She preferred it really, but it was eating Willow up.

Finally, after what felt like an eternity, she spoke up.

"Well?" she asked, "What did she say?"

Giles looked at her for a moment, not certain where to begin.  Not really sure what to make of the situation himself.

"Constance might have been telling the truth."

"No," Willow replied shaking her head as she crossed the room.

Tara just remained silent.

"I hope it isn't, but from what Buffy said of Xander's behavior, it certainly seems to be the case."

"Why would he do that?" Willow said, her voice breaking into a near plea, "Doesn't he know…"

"If it's true he must be aware of the risk.  Constance would not have spared him the details on that particular…"

The word he was searching for was "death" but he couldn't bring himself to say it out loud.  Instead he just shook his head and looked down.

"Can't we do anything?" Tara finally spoke up, having attempted to comfort Willow as best she could.

Giles looked from Tara to Willow and back again, uncertain how to begin.  He had hoped he'd never really need to explain the Furies Poison to them any detail, but now that looked unavoidable.

 "No, I'm afraid not.  Constance cast the spell, only she can lift it."

"So what do we do?  We can't just sit around and wait."

"There's not much more we can do.  We can make him comfortable, offer support, but really it's out of our hands.  It's a matter of time now."

"And you're positive that the only way to reverse it is for Constance to lift the spell?" Willow asked.

"Yes," Giles said solemnly.

"So how soon can we bring her back?"

*****

Buffy had followed Xander as discreetly as she could as he made his way back to his house.  She didn't know at first where he would go, but she hadn't counted on this.  

After twenty minutes of waiting for him to reemerge from the basement she decided to go in.

'Maybe I've been overreacting,' she thought, 'he might have just gotten sick of the hospital and decided to go home.'

There were a thousand reasons why he could have done this, but she didn't really believe any of them.  She wanted too, needed too.  She was desperate to believe anything that might mean Xander hadn't lied and thrown himself away just to be rid of Constance.

Slowly she opened the door and walked inside.

'He's probably asleep,' that little voice inside her said hopefully.

"What took you so long?" she heard Xander say from across the room in the darkness, "I'd expected you to come rushing in with something or other to say about friendship and betrayal and all that other crap."

She could barely make him out from where she was.  He was sitting in the same chair they'd found Anya tied up.  Apparently he'd just been watching the door and waiting for her.

"Don't you have a speech prepared?  You had all that time waiting outside; you should have something ready by now."

"Xander," Buffy finally said after a pause, "you didn't have to do this.  I mean why?  Why?  We would have found a way…"

"No," he said loudly, his voice harsh and breathy.  He was obviously still having a hard time breathing.  "This was the only way.  Constance would have kept her promise.  She would have cured me and then left town, but she never said she wouldn't come back Buffy.  You should know how she works by now.  You've been playing…"

As quickly as his voice had trailed off, it had been replaced by the sound of laughter.  He didn't sound at all like himself.  It was a dry and bitter laugh.  He sounded mean and it reminded Buffy of Constance.

"The devils in the details, I never really understood that till now.  That's her alright, all about details."

Xander stopped to regain his breath and let that sink in for Buffy.  

"She'd of headed straight to L.A. and killed everyone we've ever known, Buffy, everyone we've ever met for that matter.  She'd never stop and we'd never be able to stop her.  After she'd grown bored with killing off our friends and family she would have come back to Sunnydale.  She'd kill all of you one by one and leave me alone like you asked.  She'd of kept her word."

He paused again, sounding more and more ragged, but also more like himself.

"I couldn't let that happen.  I couldn't.  I'd rather die."

"You don't know that would have happened," Buffy said sternly, "We've always found a way…"  
  


"I do know," he yelled suddenly jumping to his feet and cutting her off.  

Buffy involuntarily took a few steps back.

"I do know," he repeated, this time quieter as he turned away from her and began to pace.  "I was in her head and she was in mine.  I can hear her thoughts still.  I know how she thinks and what she thinks.  It's like all of the horrible things she's done are living in my head."

He stopped talking but continued to pace.

"Xander we'll find a way to help you."  
  


"And it's not the spell Buffy," he continued as if she'd never spoken, "it's not.  I've felt like this since we left the school.  Since that night she's been alive in my head.  I can't tell what memories or thoughts are mine and which are hers.  It's like I did those things to you, to Willow, to Dawn.  I just want it all to end."

Buffy didn't know what to do.  Part of her wanted to just go to him and tell him it would be alright, but another part of her wanted to run.  Run and get Giles, get Willow, get anyone who might help, but she wasn't sure anyone could at this point.

"We're going to get through this.  We're going to find away."

Buffy had said it quietly to herself, so quietly she didn't really think she'd even spoken the words.

"I don't believe that."

"You have to," she said louder now, her voice getting thick with emotion, "You can't give up."

"Buffy you have to promise me something," he said taking four quick strides across the room to meet her face to face, "you have to promise me this."

He looked horrible, almost dead.  Pale and sweating.  In the darkness she hadn't noticed it before, but now that he was so close to her, only a half breath away, Buffy saw it all.  What Constance had done was obviously already taking hold of him, both physically and mentally.  

Tentatively, he took hold of one of her hands with both of his, but didn't look up.

"Xander, I'm going to do everything I can …"

"No," he interrupted shaking his head, "not that.  I need you to promise me that you won't let them bring her back.  That _you won't let her come back.  No matter what Buffy.  I need you to tell me that."_

"I can't…"

"Buffy you're the only one I can ask.  You're the only one I can trust because I know you know what she's like.  But you don't really even know that.  You've seen her, but you haven't seen anything like what she …"

"I can't promise that," her voice becoming as strained as his.  "She's the only one who can cure you.  I know what she is but…"

"No.  No buts.  She's been toying with us.  Since the first this has been a game and she's never even been serious about it.  But she will be if she comes back.  I've been in her head Buffy, she's capable of so much…"

He couldn't finish.  He just trailed off and turned away.  For awhile neither of them spoke.  

"I'm dead either way.  Please.  Don't make me responsible for bringing _that thing_ back here."

He was so serious and obviously terrified, Buffy had no choice.

"Okay," she whispered, "I won't let them bring her back."

 As soon as she'd said it the tension seemed to lift from the room.  Xander, looking older sat down at the edge of his bed and laid his head into his hands.  Buffy, feeling deflated, joined him.

"Thank you."

She just shook her head slowly and put an arm around his waist both leaning against each other for support.

"Don't say that.  Don't thank me for this.  It's not right."

Xander looked up at her, meeting her eyes and looking so much like himself again that part of her hurt.

"Maybe not, but at least it's over."

**The End**

**Author's Notes:  **Again – apologies for the amount of time it took to complete this.  Obviously, I can't really leave it like this, but I also can not tell you when or how long a third installment will be.  All I can say is that it will be eventually and I thank everyone for the reviews and encouragement.  


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